S01xE05 – Shania has created a bucket list of things she would like to do before she may have to leave California. One was to go swimming in the ocean, another was to have a quinceanera, and another was to have a salmon dinner. After coming back from completing the swimming item on her list, it’s brought up that David’s mother is coming into town. And Bryan just loves to spend time with his mother-in-law. Not really. Goldie shares one of her experiences with her mother-in-law to show that Bryan’s not alone in his dislike. It goes a little like this; Goldie comes home worried that the house is dirty and needs to be cleaned before her now ex, Clay’s mother gets there, but she sees that the house is already clean, and she thinks he did it, but it turns out his mom got there early and cleaned the house for them both. No brownie points for Goldie.
Nanabigot gets to have her first ever orgasm and we get to see how it all plays out. It starts with her at the hotel lounge talking to the bartender about how she can’t wait for the custody hearing so she can go back home to Ohio, when a guy overhears her conversation and comes over to buy her a drink. She doesn’t understand his motive, but tries to flirt with the guy anyway, and isn’t so great at it. It does seem that she wasn’t horrible though because they hit it off, and he offers to pay for her drink and take her to his room. Oh Nanabigot’s getting some tonight. Nanabigot shows up at David’s office the next morning looking for a doctor like David, but not David. After trying to get out of her what type of gynecologist she wants personality-wise, David stops and tells her she can tell him what’s going on and that it will be confidential, and she actually agrees to talk. So she starts to explain that she felt a tingling sensation, almost like a small seizure. Yeah Nanabigot got it onnn and had an orgasm. There’s always time for a first.
David and Bryan are at a restaurant waiting to have dinner with David’s mom. She finally shows up and gives Bryan the cold shoulder. Goldie comes in and David’s mother is a little too excited to see her, and then David tells his mom that Goldie is their surrogate, and she becomes more excited. And when they tell her that they used David’s sperm, it’s nearly elation on her face, because it’s her “real” grandchild. She’s a peach and almost rivals Nanabigot. That night at home Bryan is upset about David’s mother and her calling the baby David’s and not both of theirs. Bryan expands on how David’s mother hates Bryan and is always trying to one up him for David’s love and like David does, he brushes it off. But when Bryan gets even more upset over this, David tells him they need to sit down like adults and work it out.
We’re now to Shania’s second item on her bucket list, the quinceanera and it actually looks kind of fun. David asks Bryan if he’s going to talk to his mother like he suggested they do, and Bryan is reluctant. David goes to talk to Nanabigot about her orgasm and says that most adults her age don’t have an active sex life, and then we get a montage of couples telling us about their sex life; one couple does it for six minutes after dinner. Lovely. David’s mother comes to sit down next to Nanabigot and we find out that Nanabigot is jealous of her because she appears to be more vivacious than her. Nanabigot goes into a story about how she tried to seduce her husband after dinner, but he was more interested in his pet store. It’s because he was gay, and lover boy was waiting for him there. David’s mother tells Nanbigot to get out and have fun and be the sexual woman she should be. So she goes back to the bar and drops a key in the drink of the guy she slept with the night before. He readily follows after her. Nanabigot’s getting lucky again.
David’s mother is out in the kitchen cooking up a glass of alka-seltzer when Bryan walks in to do the same thing. She says that they need to talk about their feelings and get everything out in the open for the baby’s sake. So Bryan tells her that she over shares and sucks the air out of every room she walks into, She tells Bryan he’s a self-absorbed, insecure, smug little princess. I feel like they had a moment there. Bryan tells her that’s exactly what he was going for and she tells him he’s not mature enough to have an adult conversation. She then asks Bryan about his own mother and why he hasn’t talked to her since his dad died, and if she even knows they’re having a baby. Oh snap.
Nanabigot just had some sex with the guy again, and then asks if he wants to go out and do something with her, but he tells her he just wants to bang her and nothing more. She seems upset about it, and then tries to save face by telling him that he shouldn’t flatter himself she could do so much better. He tells her that he has to close his eyes and imagine a 22 year old version of her while doing it. Insults go back and forth and then Nanabigot calls him fat as he walks out the door. Way to tell him off Nanabigot!
For the third item we’re privy to knowing on Shania’s bucket list, David’s mother cooks them a salmon dinner. As she’s serving Bryan his plate she calls him son. Progress! For some reason there’s wasabi on the table and Shania tries it, but too much of it and she now has to throw up. I’m really not sure why wasabi was present. Nanabigot walks in unannounced as she does, and starts ranting about people doing things they’re supposed to do and how they shouldn’t be doing them. I don’t really know, but it’s because she’s mad at the dude she slept with. So Nanabigot goes to get her revenge with the guy by ruining his chance with a girl and showing off a pretty cute younger guy she’s going out with. I’m actually kind of happy for her.
After the dinner fun, David is going to bed and asks Bryan to come along, but he says he something to do first, and it’s to call his mom. Although we don’t know what was said, it still deserves an “aw”. We end with going back to the quinceanera and them trying to bust open a pinata. Shania isn’t cutting it, so Bryan takes over and beats the shit out of it. That’s one way to get out the pent up anger.
Best of the episode: Nanabigot actually being vulnerable. A little bit. Not that anyone deserves to be treated like a piece of meat, she did get a taste of her blunt relentless insult medicine.
Worst of the episode: Shania’s kind of lame bucket list. I know she’s a kid, but there had to be better things to accomplish than having a salmon dinner. You can have that anywhere, not just in California.
Where this episode leaves us: Knowing too much about Nanabigot’s sex life.
Best one-liner: David’s mom to Nanabigot – “That thing between your legs only turns into an elbow if you let it.”
What this episode ruined for us: Hotel lounge guys.
– a la Chryshele