The New Normal – Baby Proofing

newnormal2S01xE12 – David’s going crazy with the baby proofing, Bryan’s going crazy with the booze. Goldie’s eating a lot more and Bryan attributes it to the pregnancy, but David has been eating a lot as well. What’s his reason? Bryan has a work Christmas party, but David doesn’t go to them, so on a whim of kindness Bryan invites Nanabigot along. Turns out she’s kind of a delight when she’s drunk. David’s concerned with Bryan’s drinking, and they both confront each other about their concerns for each other, but get nowhere.

At the party Nanabigot confesses she’s not sure where to begin her career in LA, Because in Ohio she was a big shot. Bryan tells her to start small and grow. They then head for home, but hit a DUI checkpoint, and Bryan starts to freak out. He’s barely had anything to drink. On the other hand Nanabigot has had enough for both of them, and starts to cause a scene. They end up getting off with a warning, but this make Bryan re-evaluate his choices.

Bryan and David come together at the Christmas tree that David has baby proofed. They both discuss their reasons for the over-eating and booze drinking and then admire the new ornament on the tree. A picture of their baby.

Best of the episode: A tolerable Nanabigot.

Worst of the episode: The ridiculous baby proofing. There is such thing as going overboard.

Where this episode leaves us: Bryan and Nanabigot are a little closer, and the house is officially baby proofed 5 months ahead of needing to do so.

What this episode ruined for us: baby proofing

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

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The New Normal – The XY Factor


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S01xE11 – After accidently finding out that their child is a boy (YAY) Bryan and David struggle with how to handle a son. Bryan is nervous he won’t be as liked as David because he isn’t the typical “man”, but ends up hitting his stride with David’s football team (homemade pizzas)! They reach a compromise that will make life great for baby boy. Meanwhile NO NANABIGOT and I think I enjoyed the episode more. Shania gets suspended from school after doing her Inspirational Woman report on Cher and singing Half-Breed. Apparently it goes agains the school’s zero tolerance policy. Goldie attempts to lawyer her way out of it but the punishment stands, which causes Goldie to rethink her dream of being a lawyer.

Best of the episode: Well besides the fact that it wasn’t agenda driven, I loved Shannon Doherty’s guest appearance as David’s potential future wife.

Worst of the episode: Just shoving Goldie’s lawyer dreams under the rug. I hope she figures out a dream soon.

Where this episode leaves us: THEY ARE HAVING A BOY.

Best one-liner: Just Shania’s rendition of Half-Breed. Typing it wouldn’t even do it justice.

What this episode ruined for us: Pee-wee football games.

Rating:

Holler, Jordan

The New Normal – Pardon Me

S01xE09 – The gang are potting bulbs for the spring when they start to discuss Thanksgiving. Bryan and David usually go somewhere alone and drink themselves away, Rocky’s past dinners have involved her parents not approving of her dreams to live in LA. Goldie and Shania don’t have very fond memories of Thanksgiving either. So they all plan to have dinner together, without any family. This doesn’t actually happen though and family ends up participating. Rocky’s brother who’s been dating Goldie attends, Goldie’s ex-husband and Nanabigot attend, as well as David’s parents. So Bryan and Shania go shopping for a turkey and decide to go to a turkey farm to get a fresh bird. Only problem is that they have to kill the turkey themselves. This sparks into a save all the turkeys mission, and Bryan and Shania end up taking all of the turkeys home with them. Dinner is now vegetarian.

The family members have all shown up and things seem to be going only ok for some and not so well for others; David’s divorced parents are getting along, Rocky’s brother is happy to see Goldie, and Shania’s father is more than a little concerned about Goldie dating someone else. Nana has decided that she’s not having a vegetarian dinner and has set out to kill a turkey, but Shania caught wind and has hidden the turkeys. David’s parents are done pretending to be nice and have started fighting which upsets David, but it’s Nana who gets a full on scene of David’s parents having make-up sex. David happens to walk in at the tail end and kicks them out. No dinner for them. Goldie ends up kicking out her ex-husband, and Rocky’s brother excuses himself, and then Nana gets kicked out too. No dinner for anyone, and that’s a good thing because the tofurkey that they made instead is pretty nasty. At least they’ve all come to agreement that Christmas is for relatives, and Thanksgiving is for family.

Best of the episode: Rocky’s parent’s. Rocky as her father in the story is hilarious.

Worst of the episode: Nanabigot trying to kill a turkey.

Where does this episode leave us: Goldie’s dating relationship is questionable at the moment.

Best one-liner: Goldie about doing vegetarian pizza instead of tofurkey – “yes and to save the lives of all those pepperoni’s.”

What this episode ruined for us: Tofurkey

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

The New Normal – Unplugged


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S01xE08 – Shania rushes in from school to tell her mother about her exciting day. Goldie is exhausted from the baby sucking her energy so Shania suggests a dance party! Goldie is less than thrilled about the idea. She tries to distract Shania with video games so she can take a nap.
David and Bryan are taking an in-home CPR class to prepare for the baby. Bryan is distracted by Twitter, he is getting a bad reputation. Too many tweets make for a dead baby. David is a little frustrated that Bryan (and the CPR nurse lady, at that) are not taking this seriously.
NanaBigot is having lunch with Rocky, it’s a big step for her. Rocky prompts NanaBigot to take online classes for her real estate work instead of going to the Learning Annex. Rocky is going to help her create her online life. Email, website, twitter. NanaBigot is coming into the times and she’s a natural at it.
Bryan and Shania are so caught up in their online life, and now David is just as wrapped up even if his is semi-work related. Goldie is getting annoyed with all of this, and she’s concerned that they are going to be like this with the baby. They decide: tech free Saturday! It’ll help them all bond.
NanaBigot is still big on the internet. She has discovered how bad she can be on twitter and has 422 followers. Rocky is nervous about showing her these things because she isn’t sure where it will go but tries anyway. NanaBigot stumbles upon a video of Bryan titled “For Your Eyes Only”. The video is of him dancing with a cardboard cutout of Bryan. Nana is appalled and figures she can use this to her advantage. She titles it “The Gayest Video Ever.” Bret Easton Ellis got blocked as well, guess she isn’t an American Psycho fan?
Shania is taking their “no technology ban” quite far by dressing as a pilgrim and making them eat by candlelight. Shania is trying to tell them how without the advances of modern technology have helped them. Without technology they have little to say to each other. David excuses himself to the bathroom and checks his fantasy football account. Bryan catches him and gets to check his twitter since they both cheated. OMG HE IS GOING TO FIND THE VIDEO NANABIGOT TWEETED.
Bryan tracks her down. She claims he was “asking” for this. Nothing is private anymore. He is humiliated. On the set of his show, everyone is watching the video. He bans cell phones from the set. Turns out it is getting rave reviews about Bryan being brave. That’s pretty tender. RETWEET PARTY.
Goldie needs to sleep so she gives back her video games to Shania and they are no longer living in the pilgrim ages. David and Bryan are two nights in a row tech free!
David tells Bryan that he loved the video. He loves what they share. Techno free must come to an end so Bryan texts David to get him some water. He does not succeed.

Best of the episode: NO AGENDA (at least not really).

Worst of the episode: The Shania/Goldie storyline was a little boring. But not totally awful. I’m surprised that I have little bad to say about this episode.

Where does this episode leave us: Honestly the episode really didn’t progress in any way.

Best one-liner: Bryan sends this tweet – “Sting should do a cover of Toto’s Africa, love or hate?” OMG TOTO/AFRICA REFERENCE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME KTHXBAI.

What this episode ruined for us: Old people and technology, but that’s already ruined.

Rating:

Holler, Jordan

The New Normal – The Godparent Trap

S01xE07 – Bryan is talking to his baby via his vlog and he talks about how he dreams of how his goodnight ritual will be with his child, and how it would involve a catholic bedtime prayer. As Bryan finishes reciting the prayer, David walks in and finishes it with a funny. Rocky doesn’t like that and tells them how she takes her role as a godparent to her niece very seriously. David asks what a godparent actually is, to which Bryan responds that it’s a person that will take care of your child should something bad happen. Rocky scoffs and says it’s actually a person that gives the child spiritual guidance. I think they’re both right depending on the person.

So now Bryan and David decide they would like to have a godparent for their child and go on the hunt. They begin with their lesbian couple friends, but they’re too bitter because both of them are barren and they don’t want to adopt, or be a godparent to a child because it will remind them that they can’t have children of their own. They could have just given a simple “no”.

Shania has been taking care of the class guinea pig and her assignment is to take family pictures with the guinea pig. So when Goldie is meeting with the surrogate company Shania brings Marshmallow along. There Goldie is told that they like to meet with the surrogates from time to time to make sure everything is going smoothly and they are preparing for the impending departure between the surrogate and the family. Shania pipes in saying they don’t need to worry about that because the baby is her little brother or sister.  Goldie has to correct her that the baby isn’t related to them, and it’s a little heartbreaking.

Bryan has decided to go to church to think about things and ends up in confession with a really down to earth cool priest. I don’t think they’re like that, but if they were I might consider church. So anyway Bryan is telling the priest his conflicts with catholicism because they don’t accept his lifestyle, the priest goes into telling Bryan maybe he can go to a church that’s for his kind, and Bryan tells him that he doesn’t want to be shunned to an outcast church. So they go back and forth, some pretty good points are made about religion in general, and each other’s stance about Jesus (who has great abs) loving everyone. The priest then points out that gay people are so strong in their fight for civil rights and marriage equality, but why not their souls? Bryan sees that the priest may be right and leaves pondering the question.

Shania wants to get a picture of Marshmallow with Bryan and David because they’re family. Goldie tries to discourage her, but Shania is insistent because her and Bryan are like kindred souls. So after the photo session Shania leaves Marshmallow with Bryan and David, I’m not sure why, but she did, and Marshmallow kicks the bucket. After David tries mouth to mouth, the guys decide they should replace Marshmallow and not tell Shania. Rocky researches how many tv shows have done this same thing and it’s not worked out. There’s a few, and one of them is Saved by the Bell and that’s good enough for Bryan. So Rocky is sent out for a replacement and she finds one that looks just like Marshmallow. Shania comes by and they are all sure they’ve pulled it off, but Shania points out one problem, Marshmallow didn’t have a vagina before. Oops!

Bryan and David explain what happened, and so Shania holds a funeral for Marshmallow, it’s very touching. Especially when she begins to talk about the mystery of death, and how all should love one another while on Earth. This make Bryan and David realize the obvious answer as to who should be the godparent. Yep you guessed it, Shania. Oh and Rocky, I don’t think that one was guessed as easily. So now the baby has its godparents to be its spiritual guides. Shania is overly excited about it and it’s cute.

Bryan returns to church and the priest asks him if he’s decided to fight for his soul, and he tells the priest he has and says he’ll attend church if he’s not at temple with his Jewish baby daddy and child. The priest says they’re all welcome at church anytime. Aw. But to watch out for the 9am service because that’s when Mark Wahlburg shows up and it’s packed. According to the priest he has better abs than Jesus. He’s probably right. We then see Bryan in confession again asking the priest if certain celebrities are forgiven by Jesus and he lists off people like Britney Spears, Amanda Bynes, the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian to which the priest says yes, and then Bryan asks if Khloe Kardashian will burst in flames if she walked into church and he also says yes. All is right with the world.

Best of the episode: No Nanabigot! It was actually refreshing to not have her in the episode, I tire of her bigotry. If they want to keep the character, she only needs to be on occasionally.

Worst of the episode: Goldie’s attitude about the chances of seeing Bryan and David after the baby is born. I know she’s being realistic, but it gave me a sad.

Where this episode leaves us: The baby now has godparents. Nanabigot’s gonna love this one when she finds out Shania is one of the godparents and that Rocky is the other. Also Goldie is apprehensive about staying in touch with Bryan and David after the baby is born. It’s understandable, but if this show makes it past first season my guess is she’ll still be around.

Best one-liner: Bryan to a church painting – “Hey Mary I’m a virgin too and have also slept in a barn with three wisemen.”

What this episode ruined for us: Marshmallows

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

The New Normal – Bryanzilla


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S01xE06 – Bryan, David, Goldie and Shania are at dinner at an authentic Italian restaurant (you know it’s authentic because of the ranch breadsticks) when Shania announces an important life change. The boy she almost kissed in the coat closet put a ring on it, a ring pop that is. It makes Bryan want David to propose to him, it’s obvious. David refuses to even consider getting married until every living, breathing person can get married. Good for Bryan.
Shania is planning her pretend wedding. She reminds her mom that her love is different than Goldie’s was with her father. She didn’t get proposed to over a bowling ball.
Bryan has decided to take over planning Shania’s pretend wedding to fill the void of the fact that he will not get to have a wedding unless it’s over David’s dead body. NanaBigot also doesn’t agree with the wedding and gets back up on her high horse and tells them how marriage is for man and wife. David cannot say that even when it becomes legal that he will marry David. This has got to hurt.
NanaBigot enlists the help of some of the republican gals in Shania’s school (knowing their affiliation based on their parents Team Romney sticker on their SUV) to help knock the idea of gay marriage (or I guess child marriage) from Shania’s brain. Marriage is not FUN!
The wedding day arrives, Shania looks beautiful in her dress of autumn leaves. Shania is going to wing her vows, and she thanks Bryan for taking it seriously. Much to Goldie’s happy surprise, Clint, Rocky’s brother shows up to officiate. He wanted to see her. She enjoys him but isn’t ready to date just yet. David is helping Wilbur and Wilbur has cold feet. He isn’t sure he wants to lock this down for real. David gives him a pep talk about how it doesn’t actually mean anything in the real world. Bryan hears and is extremely saddened by his words. Can you blame him?
The wedding begins. Rocky reads some poetry from Nicki Minaj. Shania walks down the aisle looking beautiful. She gives a very sweet speech to Wilbur for accepting her for exactly who she is. She is happy he gets her and wants to spend her pretend life with her. All of NanaBigot’s minions speak up instead of forever holding their peace and Shania runs out crying. Goldie scolds NanaBigot and NanaBigot thinks she’ll get over it. She wants her to know that marriage is sacred. She doesn’t want Shania to end up like herself or Goldie. She wants some normalcy. Goldie tells NanaBigot to just go home, but she will not budge.
Goldie has a heart to heart with Shania, tells her to still be open to love in the future. Shania assures Goldie that she is the best mother, and that she won’t turn out like her.
David takes Bryan for Chinese food but actually brings him to his office. Goldie is sitting there in the stirrups and they take a look at their little baby on the ultrasound. There are candles and flowers everywhere and David gets on his knee to propose to him. He said he understands commitment and wouldn’t have it any other way. He pulls out a ring pop and makes it official.
Bryan also teaches Shania how to eat her feelings. Who needs boys when you have sugar?

Best of the episode: David proposing to Bryan in the sweetest, most heartfelt way possible.

Worst of the episode: Wilbur being mean to Shania. Oh, and more agenda pushing.

Where this episode leaves us: We still don’t know if Shania and Goldie have to go back to the midwest.

Best one-liner: NanaBigot, but it’s still pretty funny – “Lamb sliders are gay. I’m going to have a hearty meal at Chick-fil-a.” It’s like a poem.

What this episode ruined for us: Ring pops. They just don’t have meaning anymore.

Rating:

Holler, Jordan.

The New Normal – Nanagasm

S01xE05 – Shania has created a bucket list of things she would like to do before she may have to leave California. One was to go swimming in the ocean, another was to have a quinceanera, and another was to have a salmon dinner. After coming back from completing the swimming item on her list, it’s brought up that David’s mother is coming into town. And Bryan just loves to spend time with his mother-in-law. Not really. Goldie shares one of her experiences with her mother-in-law to show that Bryan’s not alone in his dislike. It goes a little like this; Goldie comes home worried that the house is dirty and needs to be cleaned before her now ex, Clay’s mother gets there, but she sees that the house is already clean, and she thinks he did it, but it turns out his mom got there early and cleaned the house for them both. No brownie points for Goldie.

Nanabigot gets to have her first ever orgasm and we get to see how it all plays out. It starts with her at the hotel lounge talking to the bartender about how she can’t wait for the custody hearing so she can go back home to Ohio, when a guy overhears her conversation and comes over to buy her a drink. She doesn’t understand his motive, but tries to flirt with the guy anyway, and isn’t so great at it. It does seem that she wasn’t horrible though because they hit it off, and he offers to pay for her drink and take her to his room. Oh Nanabigot’s getting some tonight. Nanabigot shows up at David’s office the next morning looking for a doctor like David, but not David. After trying to get out of her what type of gynecologist she wants personality-wise, David stops and tells her she can tell him what’s going on and that it will be confidential, and she actually agrees to talk. So she starts to explain that she felt a tingling sensation, almost like a small seizure. Yeah Nanabigot got it onnn and had an orgasm. There’s always time for a first.

David and Bryan are at a restaurant waiting to have dinner with David’s mom. She finally shows up and gives Bryan the cold shoulder. Goldie comes in and David’s mother is a little too excited to see her, and then David tells his mom that Goldie is their surrogate, and she becomes more excited. And when they tell her that they used David’s sperm, it’s nearly elation on her face, because it’s her “real” grandchild. She’s a peach and almost rivals Nanabigot. That night at home Bryan is upset about David’s mother and her calling the baby David’s and not both of theirs. Bryan expands on how David’s mother hates Bryan and is always trying to one up him for David’s love and like David does, he brushes it off. But when Bryan gets even more upset over this, David tells him they need to sit down like adults and work it out.

We’re now to Shania’s second item on her bucket list, the quinceanera and it actually looks kind of fun. David asks Bryan if he’s going to talk to his mother like he suggested they do, and Bryan is reluctant. David goes to talk to Nanabigot about her orgasm and says that most adults her age don’t have an active sex life, and then we get a montage of couples telling us about their sex life; one couple does it for six minutes after dinner. Lovely. David’s mother comes to sit down next to Nanabigot and we find out that Nanabigot is jealous of her because she appears to be more vivacious than her. Nanabigot goes into a story about how she tried to seduce her husband after dinner, but he was more interested in his pet store. It’s because he was gay, and lover boy was waiting for him there. David’s mother tells Nanbigot to get out and have fun and be the sexual woman she should be. So she goes back to the bar and drops a key in the drink of the guy she slept with the night before. He readily follows after her. Nanabigot’s getting lucky again.

David’s mother is out in the kitchen cooking up a glass of alka-seltzer when Bryan walks in to do the same thing. She says that they need to talk about their feelings and get everything out in the open for the baby’s sake. So Bryan tells her that she over shares and sucks the air out of every room she walks into, She tells Bryan he’s a self-absorbed, insecure, smug little princess. I feel like they had a moment there. Bryan tells her that’s exactly what he was going for and she tells him he’s not mature enough to have an adult conversation. She then asks Bryan about his own mother and why he hasn’t talked to her since his dad died, and if she even knows they’re having a baby. Oh snap.

Nanabigot just had some sex with the guy again, and then asks if he wants to go out and do something with her, but he tells her he just wants to bang her and nothing more. She seems upset about it, and then tries to save face by telling him that he shouldn’t flatter himself she could do so much better. He tells her that he has to close his eyes and imagine a 22 year old version of her while doing it. Insults go back and forth and then Nanabigot calls him fat as he walks out the door. Way to tell him off Nanabigot!

For the third item we’re privy to knowing on Shania’s bucket list, David’s mother cooks them a salmon dinner. As she’s serving Bryan his plate she calls him son. Progress! For some reason there’s wasabi on the table and Shania tries it, but too much of it and she now has to throw up. I’m really not sure why wasabi was present. Nanabigot walks in unannounced as she does, and starts ranting about people doing things they’re supposed to do and how they shouldn’t be doing them. I don’t really know, but it’s because she’s mad at the dude she slept with. So Nanabigot goes to get her revenge with the guy by ruining his chance with a girl and showing off a pretty cute younger guy she’s going out with. I’m actually kind of happy for her.

After the dinner fun, David is going to bed and asks Bryan to come along, but he says he something to do first, and it’s to call his mom. Although we don’t know what was said, it still deserves an “aw”. We end with going back to the quinceanera and them trying to bust open a pinata. Shania isn’t cutting it, so Bryan takes over and beats the shit out of it. That’s one way to get out the pent up anger.

Best of the episode: Nanabigot actually being vulnerable. A little bit. Not that anyone deserves to be treated like a piece of meat, she did get a taste of her blunt relentless insult medicine.

Worst of the episode: Shania’s kind of lame bucket list. I know she’s a kid, but there had to be better things to accomplish than having a salmon dinner. You can have that anywhere, not just in California.

Where this episode leaves us: Knowing too much about Nanabigot’s sex life.

Best one-liner: David’s mom to Nanabigot – “That thing between your legs only turns into an elbow if you let it.”

What this episode ruined for us: Hotel lounge guys.

Rating:

– a la Chryshele