The Neighbors – Juan of the Dead

theneighbors3S01xE10 – The neighborhood loves their gardener Juan so much. Max even spends his time with Juan like it’s the best thing in the world. So when Jackie decides to go take a bath at the suggestion of Debbie with the express direction of being in what you were born with only, this prompts Jackie to clap into her alien body which happens to be right as Juan climbs a ladder by the window. Juan has a heart attack and dies. So now the Weaver’s have the pleasure of explaining death to the Zabvronians, which is harder than one would expect. They also have the pleasure of explaining Juan’s death to Max which goes really well…

The Weaver’s decide to take the Zabvronians to Juan’s funeral, but they mistook Debbie’s mention of celebration of Juan’s life as an actual celebration. So they came to the funeral dressed in their best Hawaiian attire, and even brought a roasted pig. They sure know how to celebrate! At the funeral they all share their funny stories about Juan, and then Larry takes it upon himself to bring Juan back to life. Yep. Turns out Larry has a medicine given to him by his father as a just in case, but only had one dose and he used it on Juan. Only problem is that Juan is now basically a zombie. He’s lost the ability to speak, and pretty much walks around aimlessly. It’s the same thing as alive. So because Juan can’t really be their gardener anymore, they send him off to his cousin out of state. Good luck to the cousin.

Best of the episode: Max being confused about life and death after seeing zombie Juan.

Worst of the episode: No Reggie Jackson.

Where this episode leaves us: The neighborhood now needs to find a new gardener it seems.

Best one-liner: Debbie – “Did you just promise our son a murder suicide pact?”

What this episode ruined for us: death

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

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The Neighbors – Merry Crap-Mas

theneighbors2S01xE09 – The Weavers have asked the Bird-Kersee’s to hold onto their presents for the kids until Christmas Eve. Larry makes it a point to express his dislike for the holiday and that the Weaver’s are too focused on presents. Not wanting to admit they have a problem, the kids confirm their worst fears when they start making demands and changes to their Christmas lists. Debbie and Marty decide that they are going to take back all of the presents and use the money for a trip to Hawaii instead. When they break it to the kids, they are expectantly unhappy about the idea. So when the Weaver’s go to retrieve the gifts to return to the stores, they find that Bird-Kersee’s have opened all of the gifts and are either using them improperly or completely destroying them. Debbie tells Jackie she’s screwed up majorly, and Abby has a talk with Larry, making him realize that even Santa promotes family at Christmas. So Larry and Dick go about to make it a perfect Christmas for the Weavers. And this is done by stealing gifts from a dealership, hiring hookers to play hula girls, and purchasing a pig for what I’m only guessing is the holiday ham dinner. When the Weavers awake and head down to face the Christmas morning, they find the whole neighborhood plus hula girls singing and dancing in their house. And Larry is dressed as Santa Claus. Although they may have screwed up, they made up for it in a big way.

Best of the episode: Larry thinking the etch-a-sketch is an iPad and asks Siri if he ruined Christmas.

Worst of the episode: The thought of the poor piglet being dinner later that night.

Where this episode leaves us: Christmas wasn’t ruined after all. Well not entirely.

Best one-liner: Marty – “Oh honey they have the tushy squirting thing!”

What this episode ruined for us: iPads

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

The Neighbors – Thanksgiving Is for the Bird-Kersee’s

S01xE08 – It’s the Weaver’s first Thanksgiving in their new home, and the plan is to enjoy it without any parents or neighbors to ruin it. That goes out the window very quickly when Marty gets suckered into inviting his parents, and Debbie inviting the Bird-Kersee’s. Max has decided they are going to have a deep fried turkey this year, and Debbie and Marty are game. When the parents arrive, it’s nothing but insults toward both Debbie and Marty. When the Bird-Kersee’s attend, Jackie is upset because she wants to spend the holiday with her sisters, but they have been exiled because they tried to overthrow Larry. Reggie and Dick go behind Larry’s back and direct orders and get Jackie’s sisters released from custody and they attend dinner at the Weaver’s as well. Larry is at first furious, but he finally comes around. And Jackie’s sisters are able to stay in the neighborhood again. Marty has it out with his dad, but they end up making up, and Marty’s mother has a talk with Dick who tells her she needs to not be so hard on Debbie, and actually listens. She compliments the turkey, which is actually horrible, but the night ends well.

Best of the episode: Jackie’s sisters, one is in the body form of a man which is pretty funny.

Worst of the episode: Marty’s parents.

Where this episode leaves us: Jackie’s sisters are no longer in exile, but they don’t seem to want to stop trying to overthrow Larry either. This could be interesting in the future.

Apologies for the brief recap, life got in the way, and I will do better next week. Promise.

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

The Neighbors – 50 Shades of Green

S01xE07 – Love is in the air for the Zabvronians, and it’s in full force. The Weavers keep losing power, and find out it’s because of all the love making those aliens are doing out in public. Well it’s not like it sounds, they don’t make love like humans do, so doing it in public isn’t as risque. Mating season for our favorite aliens include something akin to a Vulcan mind meld in the sense that they share each other’s thoughts until they happen to have the same thought, and then bam! power surge.

Debbie and Marty are slightly worried upon hearing this news because Reggie Jackson has his eyes set on Amber. So they quickly rush to have the sex talk with Amber, but they’re years too late. The public education system has done their job time and time again. The Weaver’s are off the hook.

Jackie is very interested in knowing how humans mate, and when she learns it’s through touch, she’s very intrigued. Debbie then tells Jackie how she and Marty have perfected the art of love making by hitting all three main desires in ten minutes, finishing quick enough before the kids interrupt. So Jackie decides she wants to attempt the touching with Larry, but he’s already set up for their own type of love making and is disappointed and frustrated when Jackie keeps touching him and ruining the moment.

Debbie has set up a nice romantic bath for her and Marty, as it is their anniversary, but Marty ruins it by being a jerk and turning her down saying he  just wants the usual three in ten. Debbie is upset and Marty realizes he screwed up. So Marty goes to talk to Larry about it, and it turns out Larry screwed up too, so they start to discuss the nitty gritty of how Zabvronians actually mate. To do this Larry shows Marty the instructional video they show all of their pre-pubescents. It’s a little steamy for the guys and Marty takes off, but not before hearing something on the video about overtaking the Earth. Curious.

While at school Amber was invited to a party by the popular guy she has a crush on, so at the party she gets asked to go out onto the golf course. Apparently this is a thing that the kids do, and then they make out. So when she gets asked, she says yes, but then confesses she’s scared to Reggie and asks him to devise a plan to rescue her in a few minutes. Reggie bolts for the door, and Amber heads out to the golf course.

Marty knowing he’s screwed up, surprises Debbie with an attempt at performing the Zabvronian mating ritual, but they fail miserably at it. Larry decides he’s going to try to seduce Jackie the human way, and surprises her by laying in bed dressed in Jackie’s sexy nightie. It’s super creepy. But not all goes well there either, so they head to the Weavers to learn more about how the humans mate, and while they’re over there, Reggie comes running in asking how to stop Amber from having sex with a guy. This freaks Marty and Debbie out and everyone jumps in the Weaver’s van and head to the golf course.

Amber is talking with her crush and everything seems perfectly innocent and then her parents come driving up yelling how they are going to save her, and  to make matters worse, Marty is in a robe, Larry is too, and Jackie is wearing a sheet. Amber is mortified and storms off. Marty goes after her, and makes things all better. Debbie kisses Marty in approval, and Larry and Jackie now realize what is meant by touching. Sort of.

Best of the episode: The instructional mating video of the Zabvronians. It left me oddly wanting more.

Worst of the episode: Larry in the silk nightie, not gonna lie it was a tad disturbing.

Where this episode leaves us: Amber and Reggie have mated Zabvronian style. What does this mean?

Best one-liner: Marty – “I’m gonna watch Sportscenter, take some Gas-X and then I’m gonna romance the crap outta you.”

What this episode ruined for us: Silk Nighties

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

The Neighbors – Larry Bird and the Iron Throne

S01xE06 – It’s Abby’s birthday and Debbie is throwing her a party. The Zabrovians aren’t familiar with birthdays, and Reggie wonders if he should get Amber a gift. So he sends Dick to inquire as to what Amber would like for a present. He fails miserably, so now it’s up to Reggie to figure it out on his own. Meanwhile Debbie is a nightmare to deal with while she’s planning this event. Max warns Jackie to not even attempt to talk to her and to steer clear until it’s over. Max builds forts to hide in every year.

Marty has work to do and this gives him a good excuse to avoid Debbie as well. Larry decides he would like to join Marty at his place of work, and after a little coaxing Marty takes him along. There at the office Larry learns of human jobs, and the what it’s like to earn a living. He meets Marty’s boss who he deems the laziest boss in the world. Really she’s in a jazzy scooter.

Reggie gives Amber a gift for her birthday, they still don’t understand, and the gift is a tile spelling out all the answers of the universe. It’s actually an amazing gift, but Amber doesn’t want it. What she wants is to be back in the City with her friends, and looking out her bedroom window over the street she used to live on. Reggie tries again on the gift and this time gets it right. It’s a painting on her bedroom wall of the street she used to live on. She can now have a little piece of the city with her. It’s really sweet.

Debbie has put the kids and Jackie to work, and has threatened their lives if everything hasn’t turned out perfect. Jackie has been given the task of curling ribbon and Max and Dick stuffing the goodie bags. Next we see Max retreating to his fort, with Dick not far behind. When Jackie misses one ribbon curling, she books it to the fort too. But when Debbie starts to stress about the fact that the cake she had ordered (a unicorn head) was mixed up with another, Jackie comes to the rescue to get to the root of Debbie’s madness. We learn that as a kid Debbie’s family was poor and she and her sibling’s birthdays were all around the same time so they had to have one day to celebrate all of their birthdays and they would only get a cupcake. So she wants to make sure that her kids have the best birthdays every year to make up for the ones she didn’t. Jackie consoles her and then tells her that she will finish preparing for the party and hands Debbie a huge margarita.

During Debbie’s meltdown Larry has decided to go to work with Marty again to avoid Debbie’s wrath. While at work Debbie calls Marty and Marty promises that he will be there for the party, but when he hangs up and starts to crunch numbers again, he just can’t make them work. Larry points out he’s used last year’s numbers and Marty has to start all over, his boss rolls in saying that his report is due by the weekend, and therefore Marty has to miss the party to get it done. Larry tells Marty not to fret, he can go to the party and Larry stays and finishes the report for Marty. The party turns out to be a success, and even Larry gets to have some fun when he’s done helping Marty by playing in the bouncy castle. Everyone wins.

Best of the episode: Easily the tile telling the wonders of the universe. I have no idea why Amber wouldn’t want that.

Worst of the episode: The cake not actually being a unicorn head like the Zabvronians thought it would be.

Where this episode leaves us: Reggie winning Amber’s heart a little bit more.

Best one-liner: Regarding Marty’s sweet talk with Debbie, Larry – “I love you times two?Beware if I regurgitate, it will melt you.”

What this episode ruined for us: Unicorns

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

The Neighbors – Halloween-ween

S01xE05 – It’s Halloween time and the Weavers are out scouting neighborhoods to trick or treat. They’re excited to have their kids not have to deal with stinky soup smelling apartment hallways this year. Larry Bird however, is preparing for war. He’s convinced himself that every year the last day of October is when the human children come to attack. He’s not entirely wrong I guess, just his tactics are disturbing. In the past years their security gate has protected the neighborhood, but this year they’ve stepped it up and now have trained some of the Zabvronians to be archers with flaming arrows. Be scared.

The Weavers try to help them better understand Halloween by showing Larry and Jackie their decorations and even their costumes. Marty and Max are going to be Nemo and Nemo’s Dad, Abby is going to be Rapunzel, and Amber explains that every year she dresses up in a punny topical costume. But this year she has different ideas, her parents just don’t know that yet. Larry is resistant, he enjoys making sure his people are safe.

So at school Max and Abby learn that the kids their age are going to be going trick or treating on their own and their parents will just follow behind drinking cocktails. They’re too old to have them walk to the door with them anymore. And to add to that,  Max is told that a group of kids will be dressing up as zombies and he’s invited to join them. Amber, who is also at school tells Reggie that she will be dressing up as a slutty nurse, and that the topical costume idea is only a front. Reggie asks if he can dress up with her after they’re invited to a party. Amber obliges and says they will dress up as a sluttly nurse and sexy doctor. Reggie is excited.

Jackie is fed up with Larry not wanting to accept that Halloween is just a holiday, so she tries to show the Zabvronians how Halloween can be fun with the help of Debbie. Larry finds out and is upset, but Jackie coaxes him into letting the kids dress up and have fun. Jackie decides she’s going to dress up too, and dresses herself as Effie from Hunger Games. Amber meets Reggie at his home so they can go to the party together and when Reggie opens the door, he seems to have misunderstood because he thought Amber was going to be the sexy doctor. Now they’re both slutty nurses, and Amber is going to go with it telling Reggie he will just be an asian transgender thing. They’re good.

Max has broken it to Marty and Debbie that he wants to be a zombie and go with his friends, reluctantly they’ve gone along with it. Abby tells them she wants to go up to the door by herself like a big girl, and both parents are heartbroken. They don’t feel needed anymore. But then Dick Butkus shows up at the door dressed as Debbie, the person he admires most. Honestly he looks pretty good, and he’s even made a Marty puppet. It’s pretty much awesome.

So out they head to trick or treat. The Weavers take Dick with them and Max takes off to be with his friends. They let Abby go to the door by herself, and she’s scared at first, but sees she really can do it. And devises a plan to acquire a large amount of candy by having Marty and Debbie hold the candy she’s already collected so it will appear she doesn’t have any and can then get more. She’s devious! Dick on the other hand has been mimicking Debbie and speaking for Marty the entire time and it’s irritating both her and Marty.

Meanwhile the Zabvronians are preparing for a fight or flight situation with the kidlets who are waiting to get through the gate. Jackie thinks she has prepared them well enough to handle the oncoming “attack”, but when they open the gate, the Zabvronians choose the flight option. Larry ushers them all into his house for protection. It takes Jackie to tell him how ridiculous he’s being and that they are perfectly harmless for him to come around. And once he gives a piece of candy to a sweet little girl at the door he sees that it’s really not so bad.

As the Weavers are walking Abby around, Max shows up saying he wants to spend time with them for a while. He’s kind of weirded out because the girl who invited him into her group likes him, and he’s not sure how to feel about that. Amber and Reggie show up next saying the party was lame. Debbie and Marty are happy because they’re needed again.

Best of the episode: Reggie and Dick’s costumes. Both were hilarious in their own ways.

Worst of the episode: Larry being a sourpuss and not enjoying Halloween like he should.

Where this episode leaves us: With Larry questioning both of his boys after they have both dressed as women. It’s funny.

Best one-liner: Larry – “To your homes. Give the tiny humans the crap they desire.”

What this episode ruined for us: Slutty Nurse Costumes

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

Fall 2012 Series Pilots – See It/Skip It *Updated*

Below is a comprehensive list of the series pilots this season. Instead of going into great detail and wasting too much time, we will give a simple “see it”, “skip it” or “on the fence” and then a quick reason as to why. If you see a “see it”, you can count on the show being a frequent topic on the blog. And now for the pilots:

Partners – CBS: Skip it.

Plot: A comedy about two guys who have been friends since childhood. One is straight the other is gay.

Reason:  One is tolerable, the other is horribly annoying. You take a guess as to which one. Aside from the stereotypes and cliches, my biggest problem was the lack of actual funny dialogue. Oh and Brandon Routh (Superman Returns, Chuck) playing a timid gay nurse was too much for anyone to handle.

Ben and Kate – Fox: Skip it.

Plot: A comedy about a sister and brother living together. Kate, the sister is straight-laced with a child. Ben, the brother is still basically a child himself.

Reason: The show has little laughs, and Ben is incredibly irritating. How he hasn’t had the shit beat out of him yet is beyond me. If you can make it through the pilot, you will have seen more than I did.

The Mindy Project – Fox: Skip it

Plot: A doctor looking for love rom-com style.

Reason: This show was only ok. There wasn’t any super great comedy and I felt like I’ve seen it all before. I feel like every new medical comedy is trying to be like Scrubs, but better. You get the awkward person, the douche bag, and quirky one. For this comedy it doesn’t work.

Vegas – CBS: Skip it

Plot: A crime drama about a rancher in 1960’s Vegas is hired to solve a murder with the new sheriff, a mobster comes to Las Vegas to run a casino.

Reason: Honestly it bored me, and I didn’t make it more than 20 minutes. Maybe others will enjoy it, but it’s not my cup of tea.

Revolution – NBC: On the Fence

Plot: All electricity is lost, and there’s no way to get it back. Hydro-power is out of the question, and society has to fall back on how life was led before electricity was invented.

Reason: The idea of the show is intriguing, and knowing that there are a few people out there that know why the power went out, and also know how to turn it back on, makes me want to see more. I’m willing to give this show a couple more episodes before making a final decision, as nothing wowed me right away.

Guys With Kids – NBC: On the Fence

Plot: Three guys who are also best friends all happen to have babies the same age. One is a stay at home dad, one is divorced sharing custody, and the other is a working father.

Reason: Basically the show is what the title says while doing guy things. It had its funny moments, but it also had its fall-flat moments. I’m willing to give this another try and see if it gets any better. I didn’t hate it.

Animal Practice – NBC: On the Fence

Plot: A quirky animal hospital that is now run by the Owner’s granddaughter.

Reason: I could take this show or leave it honestly. I felt like it was trying to be like Scrubs, but with animals. The main guy George is kind of a dick, and the new owner supposedly dated him previously, which I found hard to believe. The staff is annoying and not entirely funny. I did find myself chuckling a couple times, but no big laughs. I’m willing to give this one another try, but if it doesn’t grab me with the next episode, I’m done.

The Neighbors – ABC: See it

Plot: A family from the city moves to the suburbs. The only problem is the neighborhood they move into is full of aliens unable to get back to their home planet.

Reason: I found this show hilarious. The quirky alien neighbors with their cult like habits were the most fun. They nourish their bodies through their eyes and minds by reading. The men have babies, and when they cry they ooze green out of their ears. And they’re all named after sports stars such as Jackie Joyner Kersee, Dick Butkiss and Reggie Jackson. Classic comedy right there.

Elementary – CBS: See it

Plot: Sherlock Holmes in modern day New York City doing what he does best. Lucy Liu plays Dr. Watson a former surgeon who has now become a “companion” to recovering addicts fresh out of rehab. Sherlock Holmes in this version has just left rehab and has been assigned Dr. Watson as his “companion” by his father. If Sherlock doesn’t accept this assistance he will be kicked out of his New York brownstone owned by his father. We don’t entirely know why yet, but he isn’t able to return to London.

Reason: It’s obvious this is America’s television attempt to cash in on the Sherlock Holmes fame following on the heels of Steven Moffatt’s super hit Sherlock. I went in very skeptical because of this. But I was actually pleasantly surprised, it wasn’t horrible. It’s a different take to make Dr. Watson a female, and most of the characters that we have become so familiar with not being present in this version. Even with all the changes, the story kept me engaged, and the show may have some promise.

Made in Jersey – CBS: Skip it

Plot: Street smart Jersey girl Martina is in her first year as an attorney at a big law firm. After showing off some of her home-made knowledge, she is made third chair on a murder case.

Reason: The lead character is very stereotyped, and the show is overly cliched. I found the lead character more unlikable than likable. The fact that they tried so hard to make her stand out from the rest of the people in the law firm was painful. For example: Dress every single person in black and then dress Martina in a red blazer jacket and khaki skirt, puff her hair up big, and presto you have a girl who obviously doesn’t fit in. This show was not one I felt did any justice for women in the workplace. The opening scene you see Martina squirt soap all over her shirt and so she takes it off cuts the lace off her bra and puts her blazer jacket on, now wearing it as a shirt. She’s so clever!

Last Resort – ABC: On the Fence

Plot: An American Navy crew stationed on a submarine near Pakistan are given an order to bomb Pakistan through a secondary communication line. This raises a red flag with the crew and when they question the order, they themselves are bombed by their own people. The country is informed that Pakistan actually struck, thus essentially starting a war. The crew of the USS Colorado rebel against D.C. and the entire U.S. in order to write what’s wrong. But it seems the government isn’t going to let them do so very easily.

Reason: I felt that there were some strong moments in the show, the cast is decent enough, but I felt for the type of drama they are trying to make it, that it feels off. There were a lot of cheesy moments, and shaky performances, but overall the show has potential. It may take me another episode or two to really decide if it’s worth my time.

666 Park Avenue – ABC: On the Fence

Plot: A young couple come to manage an old apartment building in New York City, with a shady past and present.

Reason: I’m not one for scary movies especially when they’re demonic. This show falls under that same feeling for me. The acting wasn’t great and it’s going to take a few episodes to fully understand where they’re going with the story line, but I felt I could relate to the couple, especially since they have as much money as I do in their account (roughly $11). And even if I did feel creeped out at some parts, it kept my attention.

Chicago Fire – NBC: See it

Plot: The lives of a Chicago Fire Dept. day in and day out.

Reason: The show reminded me of an ER-esque type show, but with firefighters and paramedics. You see the sense of camaraderie between the people and also how they tend to act like family. The only thing I see might be an issue is that as soon as they help the people they move on, and you don’t get to find out what happens from there. It’s realistic, but you still wonder.

Arrow – CW: On the Fence

Plot: Oliver Queen has returned home after spending five years on a deserted island as a result of a shipwreck. He’s not the same person he was before. He has taken on a new persona as a vigilante righting the wrongs of his deceased father.

Reason: I want to like this because it’s a superhero show, but the acting isn’t great and I’m having a hard time seeing the actor playing Oliver Queen in this role. It may be that I’m partial to Justin Hartley’s version in Smallville. All bias aside, the show has potential and I’m willing to give it a few more episodes to see if it will go anywhere.

Beauty and the Beast – CW: On the Fence

Plot: A New York detective is saved by a beast-like man during a murder attempt very similar to nine years previously when her mother was shot down and she was saved by the same beast-like man. A relationship begins to evolve between this man and the detective when she finds out his true identity.

Reason: Again I want to like this show, I’m a fan of the late 80’s-early 90’s version of the show and the disney movie, but I’m having a hard time seeing Kristen Kreuk in this role. It could be again because I’m accustomed to her on Smallville in the role of Lana, but I think it’s because she just doesn’t quite fit the role of a tough police detective. Also the pilot episode was predictable and didn’t have a whole lot of depth to it. I’ll try a couple episodes, but I don’t think I have a lot of faith in this show.

Nashville – ABC: On the Fence

Plot: An aging country star whose record sales are declining is left with the option to tour with a young rising country star, or lose the backing of her record label.

Reason: I went into this show not wanting to like it at all. I hate country music and for some reason Hayden Panettiere annoys me. I enjoyed her in Heroes, but only a little. This show actually surprised me, and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. That doesn’t mean I liked it enough to regularly tune in, but it wasn’t horrible. This will need a couple more viewings for a definite decision.

Emily Owens M.D. – CW: Skip It

Plot: An awkward intern starts working at a new swanky hospital in Denver.

Reason: I don’t feel that the lead character is all that easy to relate to, and the show reminded me of a cross between all of the medical shows thus far. And not in a good way. I wanted to like the show because it has Justin Hartley in it, and since he can’t reprise his role as the Green Arrow *sob*, I was hoping this show would do it for me. And it didn’t.

Stay tuned for updates in the DVR Runneth Over section!