Modern Family – Diamond in the Rough

modern family 5S04xE10 – Cam and Claire are building a baseball field for Luke and Manny’s team. Seems all the other ones are taken, so they’re creating a new one. In the meantime they learn of a house for sale nearby, and Cam and Claire get the genius idea of flipping the house. When they have Phil and Mitchell come take a look, they seem all for it, but neither of them really think it’s a good idea. And they decide to tell their own spouse, but Phil chickens out and leaves Mitchell looking like the bad guy. So they go back and forth with threats until during a text fight they don’t realize it’s a group text and Claire is getting them as well. The jig is up. So now Cam and Claire are upset because their men don’t believe in them. But when Phil and Mitchell come to watch the baseball game, they see how great of a job they did on the field, and they start to think maybe they really can flip a house. They all agree to do it, and when they tell Jay, he tells them it’s a horrible idea and that it will end in no one speaking to each other. They start to rethink the house flipping, until the woman selling the house calls and says she has an offer put in, and then next thing we know Cam, Mitchell, Claire and Phil have bought the house. This shall be interesting.

Meanwhile Gloria has taken to the idea of the baby needing to hear her voice because it’s supposed to be soothing, but when she starts singing to the baby, Jay has to intervene. He does so by talking to the baby himself and not letting Gloria have the mic at all. Gloria starts to wonder what is going on, and they start to fight. Manny interrupts the fighting and tells them that the baby should not be surrounded by fighting while in the womb. So Jay takes the opportunity to tell Gloria she’s a horrible singer, and because they can’t fight, Gloria has to take it. But at the baseball game she talks the coach into letting her sing the national anthem to prove to Jay she can sing, and even then she’s horrible. Oh the poor people.

Best of the episode: The threats between Phil and Mitchell.

Worst of the episode: Gloria’s singing. It was more annoying than funny.

Where did this episode leave us?: The siblings are flipping a house together. This could be a total nightmare. But good for a laugh I hope.

Best one-liner: Phil – “That’s the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person, and over time they begin to seem ordinary. Maybe it’s all the nagging.”

What this episode ruined for us: Singing

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

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Modern Family – When a Tree Falls

modern family 4S04xE09 – Cam wants to save a tree in the park that holds sentimental value, but he’s an understudy for the local production of Cats, and gets called in. So now Mitchell has to sit in the tree and keep it from being chopped down. It works, and they eventually are able to save the tree.

Phil and Jay take the boys to a birthday party, and Jay doesn’t really want to stay and converse with the other fathers, but Phil convinces him to stay. Jay actually ends up telling Phil stories to the guys, and enjoys himself. Things escalate and Phil gets mad, and they end up fighting in the boxing ring that’s set up in the yard. Phil beats the crap out of Jay. Pent up anger is the reason.

Haley has to do community service after getting arrested earlier. Alex is hell-bent on getting an embarrassing photo of her doing the service, in revenge for the photos Haley has posted of Alex. Alex tries and fails miserably ending in Haley getting yet another embarrassing photo of Alex. Lesson learned on revenge.

Gloria has serious pregnancy brain and Clare has been asked to babysit Gloria. So they go to Costco, where Clare ends up accidentally leaving the store with a jacket on that she didn’t buy. Security apprehends them both and Gloria pretends to go into labor in order to get them out of being arrested.

Best of the episode: Phil beating the crap out of Jay. It’s kind of about time.

Worst of the episode: Alex not being able to get a bad picture of Haley.

Where did this episode leave us?: Cam and Mitchell saved a tree.

Best one-liner: Cameron – “They are literally chain-sawing paradise to put up a parking lot!”

What this episode ruined for us: Costco

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

Modern Family – Mistery Date

S04xE08 – Mitchell and Cam have a surprise baby gift for Jay and Gloria. Well Cam does, Mitchell isn’t as thrilled. So Cam spends the better part of the day trying to keep Gloria away from the house and the nursery while the gift is being “assembled”. Mitchell is given the task to keep Jay away. So they go shopping for the baby and get a crib. When all is said and done, they return to the house where Cam is showing Gloria the gift which happens to be a mural of Jay, Gloria and Manny on the wall. It’s very similar to the one that Lily has in her room. It’s frightening, but Gloria loves it, and Jay says he does too. He doesn’t want to hurt Cam’s feelings.

Phil has the house to himself for the weekend, and is enjoying his time by going to the gym and making a new friend. He then invites this friend over to the house to watch a football game. This friend happens to be gay and thinks he’s going on a date with Phil. He also happens to be friends with Cam, who he calls and gets advice on what to do. Everything goes pretty well up until the end when Phil spills margarita all over the both of them, and they both take their shirts off for Phil to dry. Friend guy thinks this is a move and is all hot and sticky (from the margarita), and when he thinks Phil is going to make a move, he puts a stop to it, and says he needs to leave. It’s too soon for him having just got out of a recent relationship, and he kisses Phil goodbye. Phil finally catches on, and he seems flattered. Aw.

Best of the episode: Matthew Broderick playing Phil’s gay love interest.

Worst of the episode: The mural. I love Cam, but man those murals are things of nightmares.

Where did this episode leave us?: Jay and Gloria now have their own freaky mural on their wall. I wonder how Manny feels about it….

Apologies for the brief recap, life got in the way, and I will do better next week. Promise.

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

Modern Family – Arrested

S04xE07 – Claire and Phil are awoken by a call saying Haley has been arrested. They quickly call Mitchell to come with them as their attorney, and Cam offers to watch Luke and Alex for them while they’re gone. Cam gets the impression from only hearing one side of the conversation that Claire doesn’t think he’s a good parent, so he’s out to prove her wrong.

So when Alex and Luke come down in the morning Cam already has breakfast on the table for them. He’s made them his famous or infamous facon (fake bacon). He’s been perfecting the recipe over time, and according to Luke it’s amazing. Too bad Luke is allergic to soy. Off to the hospital they go. Mitchell happens to call at this time, and Cam hangs up on him. He doesn’t want Claire to find out what’s happened.

So at the hospital, Luke is being taken care of and Cam has to go fill out some paperwork, Alex leaves Lily to stay with Luke while she goes and does rounds with the doctors. It’ll keep her busy. So as Luke is doing well, Mitchell calls again, but then Alex gets rolled in on a bed. She apparently passed out from all of the blood during a birth. Cam hangs up the phone again. On the way home he learns from both Alex and Luke that Claire thinks he’s a good father, and so Cam starts to call Mitchell to explain the day, but then Luke mentions that Claire just doesn’t think he’s a good baker. And he hangs up the phone.

Meanwhile Claire, Phil and Mitchell are now up at the school and bail out Haley. Turns out she’s been charged for drinking, resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer. Claire is ready to kill her. Haley is required to go before the school board and explain her actions. She doesn’t seem too concerned about it, and isn’t taking things very seriously, that is until Phil lays it out for her. Up until this point he’s been pretty calm about the whole situation and it’s been driving Claire crazy. So when he finally yells at Haley, she’s so proud. And it did the trick too, Haley shows up in front of the board dressed appropriately and taking things more seriously. She owns up to her actions, and ends up getting kicked out. She can reapply next year. So homeward bound it is, to where Haley will have to get a job, and share a room again with Alex. Oh well.

Jay gets a call from his ex-wife Dede about wanting to stop by to pick up a photo album. Jay is nervous because he’s been hiding the fact that Gloria’s pregnant from her. So when she stops by he tries to make it a quick visit while Gloria is gone taking Manny to school, but Dede seems in a talking mood. So when Gloria comes home and Dede sees how pregnant Gloria is, Dede starts to laugh. Not the reaction Jay was expecting. After a bit it turns out that Gloria is no longer felt as a threat to Dede which is a good thing given their past. And the two bond over Jay’s lack of interest as a father. This starts to really worry Gloria though, and Jay pulls her aside for a talk. Manny walks in and sees Dede sitting there and they begin to catch up. Turns out Manny has been writing her letters. It’s a lost art. Manny has been wanting to go to this Spoken Word thing and both Jay and Gloria declined, so Dede offers to take him. Problem solved. Jay reassures Gloria that it will be different with the baby this time because he won’t be working so hard to make ends meet like he had to with his first two kids. He will have time to help make decisions and raise the baby with Gloria. This makes her happy and all is better.

Best of the episode: Dede’s reaction to finding out Gloria’s preganant. She was so happy her uterus fixed itself. I don’t know what that means, but Jay said he’ll explain it later. Hopefully he will.

Worst of the episode: That Haley got kicked out of school I kind of liked the skype scenes.

Where did this episode leave us?: Haley has been kicked out of college, so now she has to be an adult.

Best one-liner: Jay to Manny – “Sorry, I would love to go to the Spoken Word Festival, but I’m already going to the I’d Rather Blow My Brains Out Jamboree.”

What the episode ruined for us: Facon

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

Modern Family – Yard Sale

S04xE06 – Luke and Manny are having a yard sale for charity, and Jay and Gloria are kind enough to host it in their yard. Well Gloria is kind enough. As Claire and Phil are loading up their car with the items they are going to give away, Luke is showing Haley via skype that they are getting rid of some of her things, she’s upset and tries to get Claire to put them back, but it’s a no go. Alex is really excited because her boyfriend Michael will be joining them at the yard sale, and Phil is going to ride his easy strider to the yard sale. Claire is half hoping he will sell it there. It’s a hideous piece of exercise equipment, and she’s not loving how dorky it makes him look.

At the yard sale, Cam and Mitchell arrive and Cam is giving away all of his fat jeans, he’s lost 25 pounds and gets a big applause for it. Mitchell on the other hand is apprehensive about giving away the jeans, because this is what happens every time Cam loses some weight, and then when he gains it back, he has to buy all new jeans. So Jay tells Mitchell to put them in the car when Cam isn’t looking. Unfortunately this doesn’t work, and Cam finds them. So Mitchell tries to play it off, and then hides them in a bush, but Cam finds them again. So this time Mitchell admits his feelings, and Cam gets upset because it hurts that not only he remembers his failures, but so does Mitchell. The jeans are just a crutch, and if Cam doesn’t get rid of them, he’ll never succeed in keeping the weight off. Mitchell agrees he was wrong, and that’s the end of that.

Phil sees Jay rolling out his motorcycle and asks if Jay is selling it, he say no, but that with the baby coming maybe he should. He asks Phil if he’s interested, and Phil feigns excitement about it. Claire overhears and encourages Phil to take the bike for a ride. She thinks it’s sexy. So Phil reluctantly does, and ends up enjoying himself and heads up the mountains. When he stops to admire the view, the bike starts to lean and it’s so heavy that Phil can’t hold the weight and the bike falls over on top of his leg. Now Phil is stuck, so he starts to make a video diary telling his family goodbye. After about an hour he cuts himself out of his pants and makes it back to the yard sale. Claire is hopeful he likes the bike, but when she sees what happened to Phil, she lets it go. Phil isn’t buying the bike.

Alex’s boyfriend Michael has come to the yard sale, and Claire is convinced he’s gay. So she enlists the help of Cam and Mitchell to talk to Alex about it. She knows what Claire’s trying to do when Cam talks to her about his straight experience, and so Alex decides she’s just going to go ask Michael if he’s gay. When she does, Michael yells at her and tells her he’s straight. Alex is upset because she thinks everything is ruined, but later we see they’ve made up and Alex has another chance to have her heart broken when Michael finally admits he’s gay. It’s only a matter of time.

Manny and Luke have found a suitcase up in the attic, and when they’re about to open it, Gloria cuts in and slams it shut. She tells them both that it’s from Columbia and is never to be opened and takes it away. This obviously intrigues Luke and so he takes Manny into his bedroom after having retrieved the suitcase, and inside they find a ventriloquist puppet. Gloria finds out that they’ve disobeyed her, and she’s very upset about it. But she does go on to explain that she was in a beauty pageant and for the talent part, all of the girls were throwing knives, and she wanted to be different, so she chose ventriloquism. Unfortunately it was a bad experience for her, and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with it now. But after Luke talks to her and basically manipulates her, she gives in and does a little show. The family is loving it, but when Jay comes walking by grumpy as ever after having a horrible time at the yard sale, everyone realizes that Gloria’s grumpy puppet is Jay. She married her puppet.

Best of the episode: Phil’s video diary. His confessions and need to ration his food is pretty funny.

Worst of the episode: The ventriloquism puppet. Those things freak me out.

Where did this episode leave us?: Alex still has a boyfriend, Cam is planning to continue to lose weight, and Phil knows for sure he doesn’t like motorcycles.

Best one-liner: Luke – “Wake up Delgado. Black box, from Columbia, no more questions? It’s obviously a human head.” Manny – “Why is that always your first choice?” Luke – “One of these days I’m going to be right.”

What the episode ruined for us: Puppets. Obviously.

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

Modern Family – Open House of Horrors

S04xE05 – Halloween is Claire’s favorite holiday, but the Dunphy’s have been banned by the city from putting up scary decorations in their yard. There seems to have been an incident where she gave a guy a heart attack. Phil brushes it off saying it was just a little pee, and tells Claire it wasn’t even scary. This seems to irritate Claire, because she thinks she can be very scary. Phil is off to an open house and steals all the candy, then tells Claire that she’s twice as scary when she’s wearing no makeup. That’s not helping.

Cam is excited because he’s lost a lot of weight and wants to show off his new bod at their halloween party they’re hosting, but there was a costume mix up and they sent the costumes in the opposite size they should be. So now Cam has to be the bull and Mitchell the matador. Lily is going as a princess again this year due to a slip up on Mitchell’s part. Apparently one night while reading a night time story to Lily, she asked Mitchell who her mom was. Mitchell being so tired sleepily told her that her mother was far away because she’s a princess. So now Lily has to be a princess every year for halloween. Cam has no idea.

Gloria has been increasingly more hot headed than usual, so when a couple of teenagers show up not in costumes asking for candy, she emphatically tells them no and to be ashamed of themselves and shuts the door on them. Next thing you hear are eggs hitting the door. Pregnant Gloria starts chasing after them. Those kids are screwed.

Phil is at his open house and it’s not going well. No one is showing up, so Phil’s thinking of wrapping things up, when Claire calls to check in. She is having a bad night herself. No one is showing up at their house either, because of last year’s incident. Rather they’re not just not showing up, they’re running away. So as Phil’s telling Claire that he’s ready to finish up, she again asks him about her being scary and he tells her once again that she’s not. She gets an idea.

At Cam and Mitchell’s party, Cam is flashing everyone because no one can tell that he’s lost weight in the bull costume, so Mitchell tells him to go change into his Fantasy Island costume instead, because it will show of his bod perfectly. So Cam has changed and is awaiting the compliments, but a friend has shown up who’s lost 100 pounds and everyone is raving about it. Cam just can’t catch a break. Lily meanwhile is talking to another princess and Cam overhears Lily talking about her princess mother. This sparks an argument between Cam and Mitchell, and a discussion with Lily explaining the truth. They don’t know who her mother is.

Jay and Gloria have shown up to Cam and Mitchell’s party dressed as Evel Kenievel and a green alien. Gloria is overly sensitive when someone laughs at her outfit calling her an illegal alien. Jay then makes her see that the pregnancy is making her overly sensitive and hot headed. She agrees and tries to recover. Jay is concerned about whether he’s still got it or not after a botched attempt to sweet talk his way out of a ticket. So when he starts talking to a transgendered princess thinking she’s a woman, he’s all to happy to see he does still have it after being flirted with. Gloria is kind enough to let it happen, Jay needs this. The teenagers that Gloria chased off earlier have shown up to the party. So Jay lets Gloria chase after them again. Gloria needs this. They’re even. Cam is receiving a compliment about his weight from Jay when Mitchell walks up with Lily dressed as Cam’s Fantasy Island sidekick. It’s cute, and apparently they just have costumes galore.

Claire has gone over to the house Phil is showing and has dressed as a scary ghostly Bo-Peep to scare the crap out of Phil. But she keeps missing her opportunity as Phil is on the phone while shutting off all the lights and locking up. Phil is about finished when he spies Claire’s Bo-Peep cane sitting by the front door. He thinks he’s got her, so he starts to search for her, but can’t find her. Then the doorbell rings and it’s a couple wanting to see the house. Phil is happy to do so, but nervous at the same time that Claire will ruin it. So he hurries them through the house, and when he bids them farewell, he returns to his hunt for Claire. He still can’t find her, and then the house phone rings and it’s Claire asking Phil to come home. She convinces him that she’s not there, and the kids help solidify her claim. So Phil heads up to grab the keys off the bed he left them on, and Alex, Claire and Luke pounce on him, scaring him bad. He claims they didn’t scare him that bad, but they beg to differ.

Best of the episode: Claire scaring Phil in the house. It was a pretty good prank and she was able to prove her scary abilities.

Worst of the episode: Gloria again driving me crazy. She’s just extra loud and obnoxious this season.

Where did this episode leave us?: Knowing that Cam has lost weight and wants compliments and acknowledgement. Also that Lily’s mother is not a princess. That rules out one of a million more possibilities, so that’s good.

Best one-liner: Claire – “How’s your open house?” Phil – “Pretty empty actually, I kind of just took it out on a Harry Potter. Seriously a Gryffindor letting his mom carry his quidditch broom? How Hufflepuff is that?”

What the episode ruined for us: Open Houses

Rating:

– a la Chryshele

Modern Family – The Butler’s Escape

S04xE04 – Luke wants to quit magic, but Phil is not having it. So Phil devises a plan that if Luke can perform the “butler’s escape” while suspended upside down, he can quit magic. So Phil has Luke all set and as he turns away for a few seconds, Luke has escaped, and says he’s quitting. It’s only later that we find out while Phil is trying to do the same trick and failing miserably that the reason Luke is so adament about escaping is because he was made fun of at school for his magic. Phil has a heart to heart with him and tells him that he too was made fun of for the magic, but only when he stopped caring about what others thought was it when he really started to enjoy life. The talk succeeded, but Phil is still trapped.

Gloria is snoring horribly bad and both Jay and Manny are losing sleep over it. Manny gets the courage to tell Gloria she’s snoring, but Jay doesn’t. So Manny gets the brunt of the yelling while Jay gets ready for a business trip to San Francisco. He’s overly excited about it because it gives him some time away from Gloria and the chance to get some sleep. Unfortunately the trip is cut short and he doesn’t have to stay the night there, so when he makes it back home and hears Gloria snoring away he heads to the nearest hotel for a night’s rest. Unfortunately this same hotel is where Manny goes to read since the library at school is nothing but a pick-up scene. Manny sees Jay check in and tells Gloria, who goes to hunt him down. She thinks he’s having an affair, but really he just wants some sleep. Gloria pretends to understand and implies that they should not let the room go to waste. Jay’s is all for it, but instead Gloria grabs the keys from Jay and heads up to the room by herself. Well hopefully Jay will get some sleep.

Cameron is starting his new job at the middle school as the new music teacher. He is very excited and has been preparing his presentation with all his might. He’s wearing a sweatshirt with a treble on it, and has his opening joke ready to fire. There’s going to be treble! Mitchell is preparing to start his new job as well as a stay-at-home-daddy. Mitchell seems to be prepared, but Cam isn’t so sure, and has a list for him. As the day goes on, Cam teaches his class, but it isn’t going as planned, the kids aren’t receptive and Cam making the students bodies into instruments fails horribly. He’s not getting rose petals at his feet like he thought. Mitchell’s day isn’t going much better, as he doesn’t have a clue as to what items he is supposed to purchase at the grocery store, and losing Lily in a freezer case doesn’t help either. So Mitchell wants to prove to Cam that he can really be a stay-at-home-daddy, and when Cam gets home from work, utterly beaten, Mitchell tries to throw it in his face that he succeeded with his new position. The only thing is that Mitchell had Claire help cook dinner and fix a few items around the house. Mitchell wasn’t going to admit it, but Claire having seen how upset Cam was gave away the secret. Instead of the couple being mad at each other, they embrace glad that they both had a hard day. Tender.

Alex has been exceptionally mean to everyone around. And Claire is trying to figure out why. It’s only when she talks to Phil about how the “butler’s escape” is accomplished (with opposite forces balancing out), does she realize that Alex’s opposite force is missing: Haley. So Claire does a skype session and when it’s Alex’s turn, Haley jumps right in on her and everything she’s doing wrong. Everything is in balance again.

Best of the episode: Mitchell trying to scam Cameron by proving he can do the stay-at-home-daddy job better than Cameron. It was great when it got blown.

Worst of the episode: Gloria. I can usually tolerate her, but for some reason the past couple episodes she’s been really irritating. Maybe the accent is getting to me.

Where did this episode leave us?: Curious as to how long Cameron will keep his music job. And if Mitchell’s insanity will stay intact.

Best one-liner: Cameron to the class – “Let’s form an orchestra made up of my favorite instruments: your beautiful bodies!”

What the episode ruined for us: Music class

Rating:

– a la Chryshele