S02xE06 – Nick is nervous about the quality of the sheets for the couch bed he’s making because he has an old college crush coming to stay while she’s in town. Schmidt isn’t helping by telling him he got crappy sheets. Jess walks out in her Woody Allen zombie costume because she works at a haunted house right now. All the guys start doing their best Woody Allen impressions and lines from movies. Winston wins.
Jess is supposed to get dirty with Sam after she’s done at the haunted house, and the guys ask about him caring that she looks “scary”, to which she replies that Sam doesn’t care what she looks like because he’s just using her for her body. It all works out I guess.
The next day Jess is at Sam’s work because he left his wallet. Turns out he’s a pediatrician. So cute. He doesn’t like to tell the girls he’s with what he does because then they start to think differently about him. Jess swears knowing the real Sam doesn’t change her thoughts at all. Then a kid walks in and they do the fishtail hand slap, and her eyes melt.
Schmidt and Winston talk about how Winston and Shelby agreed to dress in sexy costumes for Halloween, and he’s hoping this way he will finally have sex with her. After all this time they haven’t done it, which is slightly shocking. Schmidt tells Winston that he doesn’t really have a girlfriend, how could she be in love with Winston if she doesn’t sleep with him. This is Schmidt logic mind you. He thinks Cece is still in love with him and that’s why she’s still with Robby. Schmidt also fantasizes about beating up Robby as young Abraham Lincoln. That’s going to be Schmidt’s costume, so it makes a little more sense.
Nick’s college crush is in the apartment, and Nick is charming her up and shows that he even made her a couch bed. She must really like that because she kisses him. Nick seems pretty happy about it. A little later, Jess is telling Cece about Sam’s day job while sewing Robby’s ninja turtle costume. Unfortunately Schmidt pokes his head in and makes fun of Robby. Robby takes it in good stride. He seems like a decent guy. Nick takes college crush girl to bed and he’s pretty excited about it, but then she tries to swallow his face and then bite it off. Nick’s turned off, but tells her it’s hot anyway. Nick is having fun with I don’t remember her name and Jess is having fun with Sam and for some reason Nick and Jess meet in the hallway and high five for being sluts. Jess then tells Nick she thinks she likes Sam, and then college crush girl comes out and there’s a total awkward moment in front of Jess where she tries to swallow Nick’s face again. Jess recovers enough to ask Sam as he’s leaving if he will come to her last night at the haunted house and dress up for her. He doesn’t like to do the dress up thing, but agrees to go.
So everyone shows up to the haunted house and Winston has dressed as a cop, which is his idea of sexy and Shelby has dressed as raining cats and dogs, that’s her version of sexy. They’re screwed. Cece and Robby are riding the merry-go-round, Cece is dressed as an angel and Robby as Raphael ninja turtle. Schmidt shows up and ruins the fun. He’s so hung on Cece! Jess is telling Nick (who’s dressed as Bea Arthur! It’s a night of puns) how she’s going to tell Sam how she feels. Nick tells her it’s not a good idea and then college crush girl shows up and Nick is just not feeling it and expresses his dislike for her to Jess. He honestly is right not to like her because she’s a little obsessive and creepy.
Schmidt is giving Cece and Robby crap still, so Robby decides to pull Schmidt aside and tell him he knows Schmidt doesn’t like him, but they need to get along for Cece’s sake. Schmidt tries to head butt Robby, but Robby’s a foot taller than him and has ninja turtle reflexes to block Schmidt every time. It’s kind of funny. Sam shows up and he’s not dressed in a costume, but then reveals through a non-cliched sneeze a clown nose. God I don’t like clowns.
Jess is working in the haunted house talking to her co-workers; Frankenstein’s monster and mummy, about whether she should tell Sam how she feels. They tell her to do it. Nick is outside talking to Sam and finds out that Sam is talking to another girl and Sam says Jess is cool with it. Nick is so sweet and heads into the haunted house to talk to Jess. The unfortunate part is that as he’s had the crap scared out of him at every corner, he punches Jess out when she jumps out at him. Her co-workers come to the rescue and Nick gets a kick in the groin and attacked by all of the monsters. It’s his nightmare come true.
Winston and Shelby are going through the haunted house, and zombie nurse doesn’t get her costume even after Shelby explains it. People are stupid, but nonetheless this prompts Winston to tell her how unsexy her costume is, and asks why they aren’t having sex. They both admit the relationship isn’t working, and that’s the end of that.
Nick gets kicked out of the haunted house and Sam takes care of Jess’s cheek where she was punched by Nick. She confesses her feelings to Sam, who doesn’t reciprocate, and now Jess is hurt. Nick after some nudging from college crush girl admits that he’s not into her, but goes a little too far by telling her she kisses like reverse cpr, and then gets slapped. Two people are going to have sore faces now.
Schmidt decides to come around and be good to both Cece and Robby. And how does he show this? By stripping down to his underwear and giving his Lincoln costume to Robby so that they can look like their costumes go together and they’re a couple. It’s a sweet gesture. Schmidt then puts together his back up costume: Matthew McConaughey in Magic Mike. With the help of a little kid giving up his hat, his new costume is complete. It’s disturbing, but wins Cece over. I think Robby’s time is limited. Sad for Robby.
Nick is consoling Jess at home about Sam and apologizing for punching her, when the guys walk in. Nick gives Jess the opportunity to hit him because he hit her. She cannot go through with it and Nick is relieved. Of course at the last second…she clocks him. Boom.
Best of the episode: Nick’s costume, just because I know how much my co-blogger Jordan can appreciate it. And Shelby’s costume, I love punny costumes.
Worst of the episode: Zombie Jess. Seriously she didn’t look zombie enough because she still has to look semi-cute for the camera.
Where does this episode leave us: Cece and Schmidt possibly getting back together. And the foreshadowing of Nick and Jess getting together is thick.
Best one-liner: Schmidt – “Statistically speaking every American thinks about Abraham Lincoln at least once a day.”
What this episode ruined for us: Woody Allen not that it was hard.
– a la Chryshele