The Neighbors – 50 Shades of Green

S01xE07 – Love is in the air for the Zabvronians, and it’s in full force. The Weavers keep losing power, and find out it’s because of all the love making those aliens are doing out in public. Well it’s not like it sounds, they don’t make love like humans do, so doing it in public isn’t as risque. Mating season for our favorite aliens include something akin to a Vulcan mind meld in the sense that they share each other’s thoughts until they happen to have the same thought, and then bam! power surge.

Debbie and Marty are slightly worried upon hearing this news because Reggie Jackson has his eyes set on Amber. So they quickly rush to have the sex talk with Amber, but they’re years too late. The public education system has done their job time and time again. The Weaver’s are off the hook.

Jackie is very interested in knowing how humans mate, and when she learns it’s through touch, she’s very intrigued. Debbie then tells Jackie how she and Marty have perfected the art of love making by hitting all three main desires in ten minutes, finishing quick enough before the kids interrupt. So Jackie decides she wants to attempt the touching with Larry, but he’s already set up for their own type of love making and is disappointed and frustrated when Jackie keeps touching him and ruining the moment.

Debbie has set up a nice romantic bath for her and Marty, as it is their anniversary, but Marty ruins it by being a jerk and turning her down saying he  just wants the usual three in ten. Debbie is upset and Marty realizes he screwed up. So Marty goes to talk to Larry about it, and it turns out Larry screwed up too, so they start to discuss the nitty gritty of how Zabvronians actually mate. To do this Larry shows Marty the instructional video they show all of their pre-pubescents. It’s a little steamy for the guys and Marty takes off, but not before hearing something on the video about overtaking the Earth. Curious.

While at school Amber was invited to a party by the popular guy she has a crush on, so at the party she gets asked to go out onto the golf course. Apparently this is a thing that the kids do, and then they make out. So when she gets asked, she says yes, but then confesses she’s scared to Reggie and asks him to devise a plan to rescue her in a few minutes. Reggie bolts for the door, and Amber heads out to the golf course.

Marty knowing he’s screwed up, surprises Debbie with an attempt at performing the Zabvronian mating ritual, but they fail miserably at it. Larry decides he’s going to try to seduce Jackie the human way, and surprises her by laying in bed dressed in Jackie’s sexy nightie. It’s super creepy. But not all goes well there either, so they head to the Weavers to learn more about how the humans mate, and while they’re over there, Reggie comes running in asking how to stop Amber from having sex with a guy. This freaks Marty and Debbie out and everyone jumps in the Weaver’s van and head to the golf course.

Amber is talking with her crush and everything seems perfectly innocent and then her parents come driving up yelling how they are going to save her, and  to make matters worse, Marty is in a robe, Larry is too, and Jackie is wearing a sheet. Amber is mortified and storms off. Marty goes after her, and makes things all better. Debbie kisses Marty in approval, and Larry and Jackie now realize what is meant by touching. Sort of.

Best of the episode: The instructional mating video of the Zabvronians. It left me oddly wanting more.

Worst of the episode: Larry in the silk nightie, not gonna lie it was a tad disturbing.

Where this episode leaves us: Amber and Reggie have mated Zabvronian style. What does this mean?

Best one-liner: Marty – “I’m gonna watch Sportscenter, take some Gas-X and then I’m gonna romance the crap outta you.”

What this episode ruined for us: Silk Nighties


– a la Chryshele


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