Suburgatory – Ryan’s Song

S02xE03 – Lisa is feeling guilty about not telling Ryan he’s adopted, so she’s decided to be nice to him. She even lets him be the boot when the family plays Monopoly. Personally I always liked to be the car. Her parents tell her to quit treating him differently, that he will notice and things will go very wrong.

Dallas is preparing for her first date with George by getting a facial, manicure and the works with Dalia. George is preparing by talking to Noah about it, and not stressing too much. Noah on the other hand is stressing about what kind of thank you gift he can give Carmen his nanny. He’s decided he’s going to take her to the opera, but needs someone to watch the baby while they’re gone. Tessa has overheard the conversation and offers up her services. Both Noah and George don’t think it’s a good idea because Tessa has no experience with babies. But Tessa talks Noah into letting her do it, she could use the money.

So Tessa is getting the 411 from Noah and Carmen about not only the baby, but the house. Apparently the security system is down, so she isn’t supposed to open the door to killers, and the lights inside the house turn off by themselves, so she shouldn’t be surprised if she finds herself in the dark. And if the baby cries, just sing Phil Collins to him. Check.

George goes to pick up Dallas for their date, and Dalia answers the door saying Dallas likes to make a big entrance. And she’s right. It involves two outfits (the final being a jacket lined with pony eyelash), loud music and lots of lights. When she’s done with her entrance, she asks where they’re going to eat, and when George mentions a place down by the dock, Dallas is appalled, and suggests somewhere else. George not wanting to upset her, agrees to change the venue, and they’re off on their date.

Tessa is with baby Opus and the doorbell rings. It’s the electrician, who has ‘strangler’ in the company name. Yeah it’s creepy on top of the already creepy house, so Tessa calls Lisa over to keep her company. Lisa decides to send Ryan who is in love with Tessa instead. Ryan has every intention of confessing his love to Tessa, but it gets sidetracked by his new assumption that he’s dying. It’s the only thing that explains why Lisa is being nice to him. Tessa convinces him otherwise, and they end the night with a kiss.

George and Dallas are on their date, and Dallas’ life coach shows up. George is less than enthused with this interruption. So when he’s saying goodnight to Dallas, he tells her that the night just didn’t go well. Dallas isn’t as willing to give up so quickly, and they both agree to be themselves, and let it go where it will go. They also end the night with a kiss.

Best of the episode: The crib baby Opus sleeps in. It looks like a cross between some caveman cage and the mouth of a giant animal.

Worst of the episode: Dallas inviting her lame life coach Tabitha (a dude).

Where did this episode leave us?: Love is in the air. Or potentially. Both Ryan and Tessa, and Dallas and George all ended their nights on a good note. We shall see how it goes from here.

Best one-liner: Ryan telling Lisa about liking Tessa – “I think it’s pretty obvious that she’s my moose.” Lisa – “your muse?”

What the episode ruined for us: Pony Eyelashes


– a la Chryshele


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