S04xE06 – Luke and Manny are having a yard sale for charity, and Jay and Gloria are kind enough to host it in their yard. Well Gloria is kind enough. As Claire and Phil are loading up their car with the items they are going to give away, Luke is showing Haley via skype that they are getting rid of some of her things, she’s upset and tries to get Claire to put them back, but it’s a no go. Alex is really excited because her boyfriend Michael will be joining them at the yard sale, and Phil is going to ride his easy strider to the yard sale. Claire is half hoping he will sell it there. It’s a hideous piece of exercise equipment, and she’s not loving how dorky it makes him look.
At the yard sale, Cam and Mitchell arrive and Cam is giving away all of his fat jeans, he’s lost 25 pounds and gets a big applause for it. Mitchell on the other hand is apprehensive about giving away the jeans, because this is what happens every time Cam loses some weight, and then when he gains it back, he has to buy all new jeans. So Jay tells Mitchell to put them in the car when Cam isn’t looking. Unfortunately this doesn’t work, and Cam finds them. So Mitchell tries to play it off, and then hides them in a bush, but Cam finds them again. So this time Mitchell admits his feelings, and Cam gets upset because it hurts that not only he remembers his failures, but so does Mitchell. The jeans are just a crutch, and if Cam doesn’t get rid of them, he’ll never succeed in keeping the weight off. Mitchell agrees he was wrong, and that’s the end of that.
Phil sees Jay rolling out his motorcycle and asks if Jay is selling it, he say no, but that with the baby coming maybe he should. He asks Phil if he’s interested, and Phil feigns excitement about it. Claire overhears and encourages Phil to take the bike for a ride. She thinks it’s sexy. So Phil reluctantly does, and ends up enjoying himself and heads up the mountains. When he stops to admire the view, the bike starts to lean and it’s so heavy that Phil can’t hold the weight and the bike falls over on top of his leg. Now Phil is stuck, so he starts to make a video diary telling his family goodbye. After about an hour he cuts himself out of his pants and makes it back to the yard sale. Claire is hopeful he likes the bike, but when she sees what happened to Phil, she lets it go. Phil isn’t buying the bike.
Alex’s boyfriend Michael has come to the yard sale, and Claire is convinced he’s gay. So she enlists the help of Cam and Mitchell to talk to Alex about it. She knows what Claire’s trying to do when Cam talks to her about his straight experience, and so Alex decides she’s just going to go ask Michael if he’s gay. When she does, Michael yells at her and tells her he’s straight. Alex is upset because she thinks everything is ruined, but later we see they’ve made up and Alex has another chance to have her heart broken when Michael finally admits he’s gay. It’s only a matter of time.
Manny and Luke have found a suitcase up in the attic, and when they’re about to open it, Gloria cuts in and slams it shut. She tells them both that it’s from Columbia and is never to be opened and takes it away. This obviously intrigues Luke and so he takes Manny into his bedroom after having retrieved the suitcase, and inside they find a ventriloquist puppet. Gloria finds out that they’ve disobeyed her, and she’s very upset about it. But she does go on to explain that she was in a beauty pageant and for the talent part, all of the girls were throwing knives, and she wanted to be different, so she chose ventriloquism. Unfortunately it was a bad experience for her, and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with it now. But after Luke talks to her and basically manipulates her, she gives in and does a little show. The family is loving it, but when Jay comes walking by grumpy as ever after having a horrible time at the yard sale, everyone realizes that Gloria’s grumpy puppet is Jay. She married her puppet.
Best of the episode: Phil’s video diary. His confessions and need to ration his food is pretty funny.
Worst of the episode: The ventriloquism puppet. Those things freak me out.
Where did this episode leave us?: Alex still has a boyfriend, Cam is planning to continue to lose weight, and Phil knows for sure he doesn’t like motorcycles.
Best one-liner: Luke – “Wake up Delgado. Black box, from Columbia, no more questions? It’s obviously a human head.” Manny – “Why is that always your first choice?” Luke – “One of these days I’m going to be right.”
What the episode ruined for us: Puppets. Obviously.
– a la Chryshele