S01xE07 – Bryan is talking to his baby via his vlog and he talks about how he dreams of how his goodnight ritual will be with his child, and how it would involve a catholic bedtime prayer. As Bryan finishes reciting the prayer, David walks in and finishes it with a funny. Rocky doesn’t like that and tells them how she takes her role as a godparent to her niece very seriously. David asks what a godparent actually is, to which Bryan responds that it’s a person that will take care of your child should something bad happen. Rocky scoffs and says it’s actually a person that gives the child spiritual guidance. I think they’re both right depending on the person.
So now Bryan and David decide they would like to have a godparent for their child and go on the hunt. They begin with their lesbian couple friends, but they’re too bitter because both of them are barren and they don’t want to adopt, or be a godparent to a child because it will remind them that they can’t have children of their own. They could have just given a simple “no”.
Shania has been taking care of the class guinea pig and her assignment is to take family pictures with the guinea pig. So when Goldie is meeting with the surrogate company Shania brings Marshmallow along. There Goldie is told that they like to meet with the surrogates from time to time to make sure everything is going smoothly and they are preparing for the impending departure between the surrogate and the family. Shania pipes in saying they don’t need to worry about that because the baby is her little brother or sister. Goldie has to correct her that the baby isn’t related to them, and it’s a little heartbreaking.
Bryan has decided to go to church to think about things and ends up in confession with a really down to earth cool priest. I don’t think they’re like that, but if they were I might consider church. So anyway Bryan is telling the priest his conflicts with catholicism because they don’t accept his lifestyle, the priest goes into telling Bryan maybe he can go to a church that’s for his kind, and Bryan tells him that he doesn’t want to be shunned to an outcast church. So they go back and forth, some pretty good points are made about religion in general, and each other’s stance about Jesus (who has great abs) loving everyone. The priest then points out that gay people are so strong in their fight for civil rights and marriage equality, but why not their souls? Bryan sees that the priest may be right and leaves pondering the question.
Shania wants to get a picture of Marshmallow with Bryan and David because they’re family. Goldie tries to discourage her, but Shania is insistent because her and Bryan are like kindred souls. So after the photo session Shania leaves Marshmallow with Bryan and David, I’m not sure why, but she did, and Marshmallow kicks the bucket. After David tries mouth to mouth, the guys decide they should replace Marshmallow and not tell Shania. Rocky researches how many tv shows have done this same thing and it’s not worked out. There’s a few, and one of them is Saved by the Bell and that’s good enough for Bryan. So Rocky is sent out for a replacement and she finds one that looks just like Marshmallow. Shania comes by and they are all sure they’ve pulled it off, but Shania points out one problem, Marshmallow didn’t have a vagina before. Oops!
Bryan and David explain what happened, and so Shania holds a funeral for Marshmallow, it’s very touching. Especially when she begins to talk about the mystery of death, and how all should love one another while on Earth. This make Bryan and David realize the obvious answer as to who should be the godparent. Yep you guessed it, Shania. Oh and Rocky, I don’t think that one was guessed as easily. So now the baby has its godparents to be its spiritual guides. Shania is overly excited about it and it’s cute.
Bryan returns to church and the priest asks him if he’s decided to fight for his soul, and he tells the priest he has and says he’ll attend church if he’s not at temple with his Jewish baby daddy and child. The priest says they’re all welcome at church anytime. Aw. But to watch out for the 9am service because that’s when Mark Wahlburg shows up and it’s packed. According to the priest he has better abs than Jesus. He’s probably right. We then see Bryan in confession again asking the priest if certain celebrities are forgiven by Jesus and he lists off people like Britney Spears, Amanda Bynes, the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian to which the priest says yes, and then Bryan asks if Khloe Kardashian will burst in flames if she walked into church and he also says yes. All is right with the world.
Best of the episode: No Nanabigot! It was actually refreshing to not have her in the episode, I tire of her bigotry. If they want to keep the character, she only needs to be on occasionally.
Worst of the episode: Goldie’s attitude about the chances of seeing Bryan and David after the baby is born. I know she’s being realistic, but it gave me a sad.
Where this episode leaves us: The baby now has godparents. Nanabigot’s gonna love this one when she finds out Shania is one of the godparents and that Rocky is the other. Also Goldie is apprehensive about staying in touch with Bryan and David after the baby is born. It’s understandable, but if this show makes it past first season my guess is she’ll still be around.
Best one-liner: Bryan to a church painting – “Hey Mary I’m a virgin too and have also slept in a barn with three wisemen.”
What this episode ruined for us: Marshmallows
– a la Chryshele