S02xE05 – It’s CeCe’s birthday and so Jess made her a cake. She cannot eat it and watch Clueless like they usually do. Instead CeCe wants Jess to come out with them, them being the “models”. Then the Russian says YOLO and I give up on life.
Nick is watching a documentary on turtles. He wants a turtle named Jess. Tender. Schmidt bought Nick a cookie, he was thinking about him and thought he should have a cookie. Jess tries out her model look and Schmidt says she does not look tired enough. She uses her tactic of pointing to objects and describing them. They think she looks like the monkey from a Russian cracker ad. And she does.
Nick seems to be really into turtles right now. Schmidt also seems to be somewhat annoyed with Nick. Maybe the cookie wasn’t sincere. Wait, it is, but maybe Schmidt is just really sad that Nick doesn’t think about him.
Jess has learned the Russian monkey dance. Jess basically insults CeCe not to her face, but to her face. Modeling has made her dumb. Nick get a turtle, let the turtle-proofing begin! Winston is siding with Schmidt saying that Nick isn’t as considerate a friend as they are, it dates back to when they were kids. Schmidt even cleans Nick’s room once a week!
Jess admits to CeCe she feels sorry for her because she cannot eat cake. CeCe retaliates with a boob slap, she owed her one from 7th grade.
The pet store is out of turtles and Schmidt is not going to talk to Nick anymore. They became friends in college and they are still not sure why they became friends. Jess is trying to talk them through it. Nick wonders why Schmidt loves him so much and if he is a bad friend? Jess wonders if she’s a bad friend because she was mean to CeCe. They both wonder why they are friends with CeCe and Schmidt.
Jess goes to visit CeCe and apologizes, but not before she meets “Wilmer Valerama”. CeCe still has to go to work, but cannot stand on the spinning platform due to her hangover so Jess agrees to fill in (she’s big in Japan).
Jess is slowly starting to realize how hard it is to be a model. She can’t even walk in the heels they provide. Basically it’s a disaster.
Nick tries to mend the fence with Schmidt. He gets him a gift because he was thinking about him (is it a turtle)? It’s a Jewish cookie. Schmidt is not impressed. Nick has a sort of breakdown about being a bad friend. And he cries. He would even give up his turtle dreams for Schmidt. This is friendship.
Jess can finally tell CeCe modeling is a lot harder than it looks. Both of their boobs hurt. So they eat some cake and watch some Clueless on VHS (“Dionne asking Tai for sex advice?”) with the boys.
Best of the episode: Seeing how excited Nick was for getting a turtle.
Worst of the episode: The models. They’re not very funny.
Where does this episode leave us: Everyone is friends again so whackiness can ensue!
Best one-liner: Schmidt – “I’m a human being and I’m entitled to my emotions.”
What this episode ruined for us: Butt drinking, but let’s be honest, it was already ruined.