The New Normal – Bryanzilla


S01xE06 – Bryan, David, Goldie and Shania are at dinner at an authentic Italian restaurant (you know it’s authentic because of the ranch breadsticks) when Shania announces an important life change. The boy she almost kissed in the coat closet put a ring on it, a ring pop that is. It makes Bryan want David to propose to him, it’s obvious. David refuses to even consider getting married until every living, breathing person can get married. Good for Bryan.
Shania is planning her pretend wedding. She reminds her mom that her love is different than Goldie’s was with her father. She didn’t get proposed to over a bowling ball.
Bryan has decided to take over planning Shania’s pretend wedding to fill the void of the fact that he will not get to have a wedding unless it’s over David’s dead body. NanaBigot also doesn’t agree with the wedding and gets back up on her high horse and tells them how marriage is for man and wife. David cannot say that even when it becomes legal that he will marry David. This has got to hurt.
NanaBigot enlists the help of some of the republican gals in Shania’s school (knowing their affiliation based on their parents Team Romney sticker on their SUV) to help knock the idea of gay marriage (or I guess child marriage) from Shania’s brain. Marriage is not FUN!
The wedding day arrives, Shania looks beautiful in her dress of autumn leaves. Shania is going to wing her vows, and she thanks Bryan for taking it seriously. Much to Goldie’s happy surprise, Clint, Rocky’s brother shows up to officiate. He wanted to see her. She enjoys him but isn’t ready to date just yet. David is helping Wilbur and Wilbur has cold feet. He isn’t sure he wants to lock this down for real. David gives him a pep talk about how it doesn’t actually mean anything in the real world. Bryan hears and is extremely saddened by his words. Can you blame him?
The wedding begins. Rocky reads some poetry from Nicki Minaj. Shania walks down the aisle looking beautiful. She gives a very sweet speech to Wilbur for accepting her for exactly who she is. She is happy he gets her and wants to spend her pretend life with her. All of NanaBigot’s minions speak up instead of forever holding their peace and Shania runs out crying. Goldie scolds NanaBigot and NanaBigot thinks she’ll get over it. She wants her to know that marriage is sacred. She doesn’t want Shania to end up like herself or Goldie. She wants some normalcy. Goldie tells NanaBigot to just go home, but she will not budge.
Goldie has a heart to heart with Shania, tells her to still be open to love in the future. Shania assures Goldie that she is the best mother, and that she won’t turn out like her.
David takes Bryan for Chinese food but actually brings him to his office. Goldie is sitting there in the stirrups and they take a look at their little baby on the ultrasound. There are candles and flowers everywhere and David gets on his knee to propose to him. He said he understands commitment and wouldn’t have it any other way. He pulls out a ring pop and makes it official.
Bryan also teaches Shania how to eat her feelings. Who needs boys when you have sugar?

Best of the episode: David proposing to Bryan in the sweetest, most heartfelt way possible.

Worst of the episode: Wilbur being mean to Shania. Oh, and more agenda pushing.

Where this episode leaves us: We still don’t know if Shania and Goldie have to go back to the midwest.

Best one-liner: NanaBigot, but it’s still pretty funny – “Lamb sliders are gay. I’m going to have a hearty meal at Chick-fil-a.” It’s like a poem.

What this episode ruined for us: Ring pops. They just don’t have meaning anymore.


Holler, Jordan.


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