S08xE02 – Barney’s co-worker Arthur (S’all Good Man yo) is telling him the horrors of marriage and what happened to him when he divorced. He tells Barney how she got everything, his dog, his kidney, but he got full custody of the kids. S’all ok Arthur got screwed. So this scares the hell out of Barney and he writes up a pre-nup. It’s literally about the size of five Lord of the Rings novels. Barney is at the bar telling Marshall and Ted about how Quinn reacted, and Quinn is with Robin and Lily telling them about the pre-nup. As they are both telling the story we hear some of the rules or suggestions as Barney calls them of their soon to be marriage. Like granting visitation rights to her lady parts, paying $2,000 for every pound she gains, creating 12 new sexual positions a year of which 10 should involve her doing all or most of the work, and her breasts must be enhanced every 5 years or every 50,000 honka honka’s, whichever comes first. Turns out Barney thinks marriage is going to be full of pillow fights. As Barney is telling his story, Robin’s boyfriend walks in. Who is this guy? They tell this boyfriend of hers that Barney wrote a crazy pre-nup to which Barney then asks them to tell him he’s crazy if none of them want to change something in their relationship. They all call him crazy. Then we find out each of them went home to their significant other, and brought it up. Yep they’re all stupid. You then hear older Ted ( I call him Bob Saget) say that one of the four couples will be broken up by the next day, ok three couples, Marshall and Lily don’t count. I hope it’s Ted and Victoria, because I already thought he ditched her, but I guess that was in the future. Damn jumping ahead, I was so happy. It’s really probably Robin and what’s his name because we know nothing about him. And side note, but is it weird that Ted isn’t living in the apartment with Lily and Marshall? I know they have a baby, but his new apartment is weird.
The next day the girls walk into the bar complaining about their night with their guys and how they were using Barney’s pre-nup as an excuse to talk about the things they want to change. Marshall wants Lily not to be so protective of the baby. I guess when they brought baby Marvin home Marshall threw him up in the air, and according to Lily he hit the ceiling, but she was hormonal, so it could have been only a couple inches. Then Marshall tries to justify it with his own upbringing. We see that in Marshall’s family, the baby gets tossed around like a football when it first comes home. That explains a lot. Robin’s boyfriend says he has a problem with the TV thing. Apparently Robin likes to watch herself do the news during sex, it turns her on. Yeah…that’s weird. And then we find out that when Robin is doing the news she winks to her future self in hopes that she will be watching during sex. Omg super weird and creepy. Victoria walks in, ew, as Robin finishes with her story, and she begins her own. So Ted is letting Klaus, Victoria’s ex live with him! Klaus came to Ted and Victoria with a sob story about losing everything, and Ted offers to let him stay until he gets back on his feet. The girls call it Hero Ted, that is until he gets Hero’s remorse. And by hero’s remorse they mean Klaus has ferrets, and likes to watch German sit-coms naked even if Ted and Victoria are in the room. You seriously begin to wonder what Victoria ever saw in him.
Quinn gets an idea after hearing everybody’s stories and she goes to Barney saying that she will sign the pre-nup, but she wrote her own for Barney to sign. Muahaha. I kinda like Quinn, even though I know Barney and Robin belong together. Some of her terms are she will get full custody of Barney’s suits, Barney is allowed to attend any function at the playboy mansion provided he arrives in an urn, a 1/2 million dollar fine every time Barney can’t rise to the occasion, and Barney has to wear a shock collar on his penis every time her friends come over. Sounds reasonable.
Soon after the terms are read everyone starts making their own inclusions into the pre-nup reflecting their own relationships. This whole thing has brought nothing but bad ju ju. Fights break out between each couple and then Arthur makes them all realize they are at each other’s throats, and they are holding back what’s really bothering them. Marshall’s is that he doesn’t feel like he’s as good of a parent as Lily, and she made him feel that way. Ted’s is having Klaus in his home has made him scared of what happened in the past with Victoria, but for Victoria it reminded her how much she loves Ted. Robin’s boyfriend’s issue is that he finds her so sexy he just wants to know she feels the same way. How does Robin respond? She tells him her own news broadcast turns her on. And he’s ok with it!
It seems that everyone is fine now, until that night. They all start to bicker about their issues again and then it comes down to Quinn and Barney. The truth comes out that they don’t trust each other. And they’re the ones to break up. I was really hoping it would be Ted.
We cut to another “a little down the road” (maybe it’s the season theme?) and Barney is talking about how legen-wait for it-dary his wedding is going to be and Arthur asks him if he wants a pre-nup, but this time he says no and then in walks Robin! I’m pretty sure we’re going to have a wedding really soon. We conclude with Ted, Victoria and naked Klaus watching German sit-coms, and enjoying themselves. So wrong.
Best of the episode: Knowing Robin and her boyfriend, whoever he is, won’t be together for very much longer. I hope that’s the same with Ted and Victoria. She can’t be the mother. I won’t allow it.
Worst of the episode: Naked Klaus. No one wants to see that.
Where did this episode leave us?: Beyond excited for Barney and Robin. I can’t wait to see how it all comes together. And she better not back out of it like they implied in the last episode. I may have to not like Robin if that happens.
Best one-liner: Lily to Marshall on things she won’t let him do – “Marshall, you are not going on a Sasquatch hunt in Oregon with a bunch of loonies.”
What the episode ruined for us: Pillow fights, ok not really.
– a la Chryshele