S02xE02 – Now that Jess is unemployed she has been spending time making herself domestic. She also has spent her time paining a “roommate” picture of the boys. That is what unemployed hipsters do. Oh, correction, it’s a multi-cloth collage. Nick tells her she needs to go off the grid, which to Jess means drinking pink wine at 11am.
Winston’s sister and mom are coming to town so he bonds with Schmidt over this. Schmidt is the only reason I am still watching this show. And Nick. And Winston. Anyway. So Alicia, Winston’s sister shows up and of course Schmidt tries to hit on her but as he is recapping how he is going to bang Alicia, Winston’s mama Charmaine shows up and she is scary. I think she was in The Help but I am not sure. Back at the bar, it might be night time now, I’m not sure because the bar is dark, Jess pretends to be a lady named Katie (rhyme, see what I did there?) in order to talk to a cute dude from Cupidmatch, though in her drunken state she finds it hard to stick to all the information that her date knows about her…or Katie.
Nick also is talking to Nick, from the future. He seems to know all about present day Nick’s life which is a bit eerie, though of course Nick has an excuse for everything.
Jess and her date bond over Creed, the band not the religious book. It’s a little weird.
Nick has gone all Donnie Darko and is inquiring to Schmidt about time travel, I think future Nick freaked him out. Jess arrives and all the boys pretend to be dancers to follow “Katie’s” story of being a dancer. Nick is a leaper, did you know that? Katie is an animal, she is a little weirder than Jess if that is possible. The boys are sweet and they try to get her to understand that she cannot juggle men or be a different person, she won’t be able to pull it off.
Oh, by the way, Alicia only dates basketball players.
Jess explains to CeCe her boy problems, so now Katie is basically CeCe. Oy.
Jess/Katie is having dinner with not Andy, and she wishes that Nick had given her number to Andy and now she is in this really awkward situation because not-Andy really likes her and I sort of want to cry right now. Jess, I know not-Andy isn’t your type but he’s adorable and he’s not creepy like bar guy, whose name is Sam. Not-Andy tries to woo her and it’s really uncomfortable for Jess, Katie and myself, and I’m sure for Sam if he were there.
Nick bonds with future Nick and he advises him to tell Jess/Katie that he’s sorry and he won’t tell him why. When he goes to do so, in the bathroom he finds Not-Andy, Andy, Sam and Jess/Katie. Her secret is revealed.
Everyone fights, future Nick intervenes and explains he is leaving. He tells Nick to make Jess an old fashion? Did I hear that right? I rewound it twice and I’m still not sure that’s totally right. Turns out future Nick is a creepy bum. But I think there is something about him.
Jess and Nick back at home, Jess goes back to her roots and they bond again over VJ’s they wanted to be (Kurt Loder and Jenny Mccarthy). OH OLD FASHION as in a drink. I get it now. For the record, she apologizes to him.
Sam shows up, he doesn’t care that Jess isn’t Katie and she has to let him down easily…nope, she is okay with still being a little Mccarthy. Right in front of Nick, bummer.
Schmidt decides to show Alicia what he’s got…his basketball skillz are amazing, he must really want to get with her.
Best of the episode: Schmidt. Everything that comes out of his mouth is perfection and hilarious.
Worst of the episode: Can I say Jess? No? Okay fine, I will say, all the little quirky things that make Jess quirky. Tripping while standing? We get it, she’s quirky.
Where this episode leaves us: We know Nick will someday do a bad thing to Jess. I hope we get to find out what happens with that…
Best one-liner: Schmidt about Alicia – “I’m gonna have to Shaq attack her.”
What the episode ruined for us: Dancing. Don’t knock dancing, you guys.